Runaway Lover // Andy Leo

Chapter Seven

I sit dangling my legs off of the metal railing, looking over the training area. This had become my favourite place to sit in recent days. I liked to watch everyone go about their days with free will - something I haven't had much experience with.

It has been two days since I pitched my idea to Andy about broadcasting a speech around the Empire, and I get more and more nervous every time I think about it. Andy pulled me aside after the meeting and asked if I'd go on the mission with them to orienteer them around. I agreed, of course, but now I'm not sure if it was the best idea. I don't know how to describe it, but I feel useless, dirty and used whenever the Empire is mentioned. I feel ashamed that I wasn't in the rebellion from the very beginning; that the Empire had managed to control me for so long.

Watching people helps to calm me down, hence the new hiding spot. I look down at them now, deciding to trouble myself with them rather than my own problems. My eyes are drawn to the only amount of colour in the room, and I smile as I see Megan stood holding Brandon's hand while they both talk to some girls. I hear Megan start to laugh, and see the way that Brandon looks at her while she does so. I smile to myself, thinking about how lucky she is to have someone appreciate her in that way.

Megan has pretty much become my better friend out of the one's that I have made here. She doesn't treat me like I'm damaged because I've come from the Empire - that's a thing that a lot of people here tend to do. That's also why I like Andy - because even though I could never compare our experiences with the empire, I still feel like he sympathises with me in his own way.

"Hey there, cupcake." Dave throws himself down beside me, interrupting my chain of thought. I reply with a small "Hey.", still trying to hang onto my own world. "Whatcha doing up here? It's not the most sociable of places to be sitting." I laugh a little to be polite, but leave my attention on the people down below.

"I'm people watching. It calms the nerves." I see him shake his head and laugh out of the corner of my eye.

"You nervous about tomorrow?" He asks. I nod in reply. "You'll be fine. There'll be eight of us in all, and we're not going to leave with any less than that - only more." His words go in one ear and out the other. Instead I think about everyone going on the mission tomorrow; Myself, Dave, Megan, Brandon, Brent, Benn, Hayden and Andy. The latter seven all within the elite circle of the Rebellion - all well respected and good in combat.

And then there's me; Who knows nothing about fighting or combat, and who is only coming along for the ride because she knows her way around. It's an accident waiting to happen. I sigh as I drag myself to my feet. "I'm gonna go out for some air. I'll shout if I get murdered." I can tell that the comment doesn't sit well with Dave, but I'm beyond caring as I wave goodbye and make my way out of the building that I haven't left in days.

Aeon City looks even more hopeless today than it did when I was part of the Empire. The crumbling buildings no longer signify the rebellion's corrupted minds, but my own corrupted life. I sigh as I pick up a rock from the ground. I hold it in my hand, running my thumb over it's edges, and I let out a scream willed with anger, frustration and fear as I throw it into the distance.

Every part of my being wants to back out of going anywhere near the Empire ever again and just end up living in my own little world. I crumple to the floor, leaning my back against the side of the building. I pull my knees up to my chest and place my head in my lap, trying to block out any sight of the city. I feel lost, unsure of where I stand. I almost wish that I was still part of the Empire just so that things would be easy, and I didn't have to live with a crippling fear of them because they can control people so easily. 

I don't know how long it takes for me to start to cry. But when I do, I can't control it and the tears come in swarms. I almost wish for a scarecrow to show up and shoot me again - almost. I sit and cry into my lap for god knows how long before I hear the door open next to me. I try to contain the sniffles and pray they whoever it is won't notice me because I'm behind the door. The footsteps stop for a moment before crunching toward me, and I feel whoever it is sit down beside me. They put their arm around me and pull me into a hug. I identify the person almost immediately, and breathe a sign of relief as I sink into Andy's embrace.

He waits until I've calm down a little bit before asking me what's wrong. I let out a shaky sigh and lift my head, using the sleeve of my jacket to wipe my face. I look over to Andy, half expecting him to be laughing at me, but instead the face that greets me is full of worry and concern.

"I really don't know if I can go back there tomorrow." I shake my head, knowing how stupid and immature I sound. "I just - It terrifies me how easily they can control people - How easily they controlled me. I just have this image in my mind of them finding some way to do it again, and I wouldn't be able to cope with going back to that." I laugh at myself for being so stupid, and quickly wipe the tear away before It rolls down my face.

"Hey, hey. Fear is fear. Stop laughing at yourself because you're afraid of something - Fear is the thing that will keep you alive. And if that isn't enough, you'll have all of us there too. Every single member of this rebellion would protect you if you needed it." He starts to trace circles in my back with his thumb, calming me down.

"I can guarantee you that over half of your rebellion doesn't give two shits about me. They all look at me like I'm some sort of alien."

"They don't know how to act around you, that's all. It took them months to stop treating me like I was broken after I got back. But hey, If it doesn't help to know that everyone else would protect you just know that I will, okay? I'll make sure you stay safe, I promise."