Thoughts Can Kill

Slowly fading

Every morning is getting more and more difficult to wake up

To open my sticky eyes from the last night's tears.

Feeling like I'm so close in giving up

Almost ready to get rid of all my fears

My smile is growing wider every morning

As the last day with the last hint of pain is coming

So while I'm in school

I keep telling myself "hold on it ends soon"

And every time I am about to go home

I stop in a corner to spill my teardrop

In my secret isolated place

Nobody's there to see my face

I can cry my heart out

While no one's around

I can use my lovely blade to draw on my body

A world that only I seem to notice

Cutting strings to feel alive

One, two, three, four, five

The boundaries seem to fall again

Six, seven, eight, nine and ten

The wind is blowing hard

Signaling its time to head back

Sleeves down, coat on

To go running home

'And before you ring the bell...'

'Oh yeah! The gloves check!

Put on the mask, the one with the smile

Take the stairs to avoid the mirror and everything's gonna be fine

Step first and I'm inside

-"How's your day" and now I lie

- "Just fine"

Running to my room and hide

More tears and sorrow, but I have to be strong

Heading for the bathroom, locking the door

I'm thinking how awful I am

Short, ugly, useless and FAT.

Washing my face I look at the mirror on the wall

And right then slightly crying, I collapse on the floor

What did I do wrong?

Always having to fall

But as a worthless, stupid girl

Suffering this torture and pain is what I deserve

And after all these when the night finally comes

I'm all alone again surrounded by guns.

Bigs, smalls, visible and not

Each one has at least of a shot

Thoughts firing from morning to night

Leaving me weak without hope or will to fight

The blades are working mainly in the dark

When the lights go off and everyone takes their nap

Nobody's here to ask

To look me in the eyes and give me a hug

No words, just that

Before I go I need to feel this warmth

And that is why I'm spilling my blood so the cold will go away

And the hatred for me for a bit will fade...