Overprotected

Chapter Eighteen

        I put on my coverup and grab Carson's arm, dragging him a ways down the beach. I pass Blair and she gives me a knowing look, which morphs into pride.

     We walk for a long time, until the group is out of sight. Then Carson stops me and pushes me to sitting in the sand. He sits next to me.

     I take a deep breath. "Okay. What did Noir tell you?"

     "I don't care what Noir told me. I want everything out, now. It feels like I've said this a lot, and I don't want to have to ask again." Carson plays with the sand, not looking at me.

     I open my mouth and the story comes pouring out. Everything. I tell him how we talked on the  beach, and I told Noir things that Carson doesn't know. How apparently we made out while drunk, which I vaguely remember. I tell him that we did indeed kiss on the beach at midnight while I was perfectly sober. I tell him that Noir stole a couple kisses here and there, too. "But not my heart," I add, which Carson doesn't acknowledge.

      After everything is out there, I add one more thing. "He promised me he wouldn't tell anyone. Not you, or Pepper, or anyone. And he did." I fall silent.

    "Boy you really tried to hide all this." Carson sighs and runs a hand through his blond hair. "Okay. Fine. But I have a couple of questions."

     "Alright," I reply. "What are they?"

     "What secret did you tell Noir?"

    It's my turn to sigh. "I was hoping you wouldn't catch that I didn't say."

     "Well I did. Please tell me." Carson says.

     "Just, just don't freak out, okay?" 

     "I won't freak out," he says calmly.

     I'm silent, contemplating the best way to tell one's significant other about your own self-injury.

    "I- Well you, you never noticed."

    "I never noticed what?"

    "It's understandable I suppose. I tried so hard to hide it."

    "Lexi, hide what?"

    "This." I turn my arm, so the sunlight hits the scars square on. Carson inhales sharply and reaches his hand forward. His fingers trail over the faint lines, his touch feather soft.

    "I did it on that arm, the arm that Boss ruined. Because I try to keep that arm inconspicuous anyway, it wouldn't be suspicious for me to hide them. And I couldn't hold a knife in that hand."

     Carson raises his gaze to me, tears pooling in his vibrant blue eyes. "Why?" He whispers, his pain and sadness for me filling his eyes with unshed tears. My own start to pool. "Why would you do this to yourself?"

I take a shaky breath. "I-I was so insecure. So, so, so insecure. I thought I was just so ugly, I'd never be pretty. I took it out on myself. I punished my body for not being beautiful."

Tears spill out of Carson's eyes and he launches himself across the sand, wrapping me in his embrace. "How could you think that?" He whispers into my ear. "How could you ever think that?"

I'm openly crying now, his hold on me pushes me over. "I just didn't see myself the way I should've."

He hugs me tighter, "You've always been so beautiful." He pulls away slightly so he can look in my eyes. "When was this?"