Pawn of Panem | Finnick Odair [2]

Liar, Liar : 15

Chapter Fifteen

I want to go back to sleep, but I'm restless. Images from yesterday begin to flood into the present. The bombing, the fiery plane crashes, the faces of the wounded who no longer exist. I imagine death from all sides. The last moment before seeing a shell hit the ground, feeling the wing blown from my plane and the dizzying nosedive into oblivion, the warehouse roof falling down at me while I'm pinned helplessly to my cot. Things I saw, in person or on the tape. Things I caused with an idea of destroying the arena. Things I will never be able to erase from my memory... not even with the help of Vellichor Luthium.

I couldn't remember subtle things. My middle name. Favorite color. Shoe size. But it's progressively gotten worse. I can't remember the traits of the Districts, or the fallen tributes from my Games, or the name of Prim's cat. I can't remember my birthday, or what time it is.

At dinner, Finnick brings his tray to my bed so we can watch the newest propo together on television. The rebels air the "Because you know who they are and what they do" propo that Messalla edited. The footage is intercut with short studio clips of Gale, Boggs, and Cressida describing the incident. It's hard to watch my reception in the hospital in 8 since I know what's coming. When the bombs rain down on the roof, I bury my face in my pillow, Finnick squeezes my hand when it's clear. Looking up again at a brief clip of me at the end, after all the victims are dead.

At least Finnick doesn't applaud or act all happy when it's done. He just says, "People should know that happened. And now they do."

"Let's turn it off, Finnick, before they run it again," I urge him. But as Finnick's hand moves toward the remote control, I cry, "Wait!"

The Capitol is introducing a special segment and something about it looks familiar. Yes, it's Caesar Flickerman. And I can guess who his guests will be.

Peeta and Gerard's physical transformation shocks me. The healthy, clear-eyed boys I saw a few days ago have lost at least fifteen pounds and developed a nervous tremor in their hands. They've still got them groomed. But underneath the paint that cannot cover the bags under their eyes, and the fine clothes that cannot conceal the pain they feel when they move, are two men badly damaged.

My mind reels, trying to make sense of it. I just saw Peeta in the Arena! Four... no, five -- I think it was five days ago, I can't remember.

How have these two people deteriorated so rapidly? What could they possibly have done to them in such a short time? Then it hits me. I replay in my mind as much as I can of his first interview with Caesar, searching for anything that would place it in time. There is nothing. They could have taped that interview a day or two after we blew up the arena, then done whatever they wanted to do to them ever since. "Oh, my god..." I whisper.

The three of them have a few empty exchanges before Caesar asks them about rumors that Katniss and I are taping propos for the districts. "They're using them, obviously," says Peeta. "To whip up the rebels."

Gerard nods, "I doubt they even really know what's going on in the war. What's at stake."

"Is there anything you'd like to tell them?" asks Caesar. "Peeta, would you like to say something to Katniss?"

"There is," says Peeta. He looks directly into the camera, right into our eyes. "Don't be a fool, Katniss. Think for yourself. They've turned you and Sage into weapons that could be instrumental in the destruction of humanity. If you two have any real influence, work together and use it to put the brakes on this thing. Use it to stop the war before it's too late. Ask yourself, Sage, do you really trust the people you're working with? Do you really know what's going on? And if you don't ...find out."

Black screen. Seal of Panem. Show over.

Finnick presses the button on the remote that kills the power. In a minute, people will be here to do damage control on Gerard and Peeta's condition and the words that came out of their mouths. Katniss and I will need to repudiate them. But the truth is, I don't trust the rebels or Plutarch or Coin. I'm not confident that they tell me the truth. I won't be able to conceal this. Footsteps are approaching.

Finnick grips me hard by the arms. "We didn't see it."

"What?" I ask.

"We didn't see Peeta. Only the propo on Eight. Then we turned the set off because the images upset you. Got it?" he asks. I nod. He kisses my forehead briefly. "Finish your dinner."

I pull myself together enough so that when Plutarch and Fulvia enter, I have a mouthful of bread and cabbage. Finnick is talking about how well Gale came across on camera. We congratulate them on the propo. Make it clear it was so powerful, we tuned out right afterward. They look relieved. They believe us.

No one mentions Gerard or Peeta.