Blue Christmas

Part 3: Heartbreak hotel

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How much sugar was meant to go in hot chocolate? Pausing as he was about to put the fifth teaspoon in The Doctor stared down into the dark glossy looking mixture as if staring into it would suddenly give him the answer. Although right now there was more than one answer he could use a crystal ball to discern.

He could still taste her on his lips, and it would take more than chocolate to drown out that taste. It was getting harder and harder to resist when she did that, a difficulty compounded by the fact that deep down The Doctor didn't want to stop her, not really...in fact he wanted quite the opposite. Only he couldn't...it wouldn't be right...he was already doing wrong by Missy for his own selfish reasons and other not so selfish reasons but it was mainly for himself and less about protecting the rest of the universe if he was being honest.

A human Missy he could mostly predict and control. A human Missy was mostly sane and almost good and with the higher scientific knowledge of the Time Lords safely locked away the universe was safe. A human Missy wanted both him and the children which was not something her Time Lady counterpart wanted, if she had then Missy would never have tried to rescue their children alone.

With her Time Lord essence returned all bets would be off and The Doctor was self-effacing enough to admit that it was the last that had him holding on to her fob watch, dithering on the edge of returning it and then not. She claimed to love him and he wanted it to be true, with every fibre of his being he wanted to believe it, that it was really Missy speaking and not merely a human interpretation of a relationship far too complicated for their primitive minds to comprehend.

Back and forth...it even plagued him in his dreams.

One day he would do it, he would, he would The Doctor swore it. He couldn't bear the thought of her dying and leaving him alone in the universe. Was it so much to ask for her to live one human lifetime at his side before having to let her go?

Yes it was. Deep down even The Doctor knew he was wrong, what he was doing was wrong, and yet he couldn't find the strength to stop, to let her go. Who was he trying to kid The Doctor couldn't even find the strength he needs to keep her at arm's length. He kept trying to hold back from her touches and kisses to not respond and mostly he succeeded but there were times like tonight when she would look at him and...

*Smack*

Wet cold and trickling down the back of his collar.

Jumping out of his skin The Doctor narrowly avoided scolding himself with the mug of hot chocolate he knocked clean over as he turned around to face his attacker.

*Smack*

This time he got a face full of freezing compacted snow. "Missy that is not..." The Doctor began testily as he brushed the rapidly melting mush from his face but then he caught sight of her face and the expression of absolute loathing literally caused his hearts to stop beating for a moment.

No she couldn't...he had only left her for a few seconds...why would she feel any need to go through his pockets anyway?

"You complete lying bastard." Missy growled and having run out of snowballs instead settled for any kitchen utensil she could lay her hands on, a spatula, a tea spoon, the pot of sugar, each of which he flung in The Doctors general direction, particularly enjoying the smashing noise the sugar pot made when it hit the wall.

"Missy I can explain." The Doctor babbled his mind a mess as he scrambled for something...anything... "I was going to tell you, I didn't mean to keep it from you...but I just didn't want to lose you."

"Bullshit." Missy retorted eyeing the kitchen knife set with a disturbing glint that made The Doctor suddenly very nervous.

"And to think all this time I thought it was me, I thought I was pushing you, I thought perhaps if I backed off and we took things slower...but it was never about me Doctor was it? All I have ever been is a pair of extra hands, an unpaid nanny who just so happens to be genetically related. No wonder you never invited me to travel with you, no wonder I had to virtually push you into it, you didn't want me here cramping your style."

"What?" The Doctor scrunched up his brow now he was genuinely confused. "No Missy I always wanted you here, I have asked you many times to travel with me and I meant it."

"Oh really so what you just got tired of waiting did you, I suppose she was just a mistake?" Missy scoffed. "Well I am not that stupid Doctor people don't go around marrying their mistakes."

"Marrying..."

"Yes marrying Sweetie." Missy retorted her blue eyes blazing as the confusion in The Doctor's eyes lifted and the terrible truth was confirmed. "Your wife is on the phone.

"River." Oh now that was a complication The Doctor had honestly never expected to have to deal with, and yet one he really should have anticipated. "Missy I...I can explain..."

Taking a step towards Missy The Doctor shouldn't have been surprised when Missy seized one of the knives from the block. Well perhaps that explanation could wait a little while, like until The Doctor had secured all of the potential weapons in the Tardis. Oh who was he kidding The Mistress could have turned the most benign of items into a weapon of mass destruction and Missy was barely two steps behind her, and what she lacked in knowledge she more than made up for with human creativity.

And besides Missy had said River "is" on the phone and not "was", River never called unless it was something important.

Sighing as he felt torn in two conflicting directions The Doctor hesitated yet Missy's glare told him there was nothing he could say now that would appease her...no he would wait until she calmed down and then try and explain how he hadn't actually seen his wife in over a thousand years and that even then she had been dead.

Turning his back The Doctor missed the way the knife fell from Missy's hand the moment he left the kitchen to go answer his wife's call.

"Well at least I know now why you never told me you loved me back." Missy muttered to herself clenching her fists to stop them from lashing out and making an impossible situation worse, yet right now it was hard to believe how things could actually get any worse.

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