Skulduggery Pleasant

Kingdom of the Wicked

He could be a butterfly dreaming he's a man."

"Well, he's not. He's a big fat man dreaming he's a big fat butterfly. What the hell am I supposed to do?"

There was another hesitation. "I'm not sure. You don't happen to have a large net handy, do you?"

"I want to hit him. I want to hit YOU, but I also want to hit him."

(7)

"I had an uneventful few days," it told her. "The most exciting thing was an hour-long lecture from the headmaster on taking our studies seriously. He said next year's exam will arrive sooner than we think."

"No, they won't," Valkyrie said, frowning. "They'll arrive next year, exactly when we expect them."

"That's what I told him," the reflection nodded. "I don't think he's comfortable with logic, because he didn't look happy. He sent me to the Career Guidance counsellor, who asked me what I wanted to do after college."

Valkyrie stowed her black clothes. "What did you say?"

"I told her I wanted to be a Career Guidance counsellor. She started crying, then accused me of mocking her. I told her if she wasn't happy in her job then she should look at other options, then pointed out that I was already doing her job better than she was. She gave me detention."

(7)

"Emergency Valve Regulators," she repeated. "So you do know what your doing?

"Not really," he said yanking another wire. 'I made up that term to keep you happy. I'm just pulling all the red wires because they're the pretty ones."

(7)

"It's a very small object to be capable of doing many wonderful things, don't you think?"

"It does much more that that," Valkyrie said, opening up a game and showing it to him.

His eyes widened. "What wonder is this?"

"It's called Angry Birds. Now do you believe me?"

(7)

"Can I ask you a question? You know with vampires and werewolves and goblins and things, is there any mythological creature that doesn't actually exist?"

"Of course," he replied. "The unicorn and the leprechaun would be would be the two main ones. The Loch Ness Monster isn't real, either, that's just someone called Bert."

(7)

"What?" she asked again.

He pointed ahead of them. "See that?"

"What, the snow?"

"Beyond that."

"More snow?"

"Stop looking at the snow."

(7)

"He could wear hats. He could wear an assortment of hats of different shapes and styles. Boater hats, cowboy hats, bowler hats. The list went on. Pork-pie hats, bucket hats, trillbies and panamas. Top hats, straw hats, trapper hats. Wide brim narrow brim, stingy brim. He could wear a fez. Fezzes were cool. Hadn't someone once said that fezzes were cool? He was pretty aur ether had. And they were. They were cool."

(7)

"You look angry," he said.

"You put me on hold."

"For a very good reason."

"You put me," she said very, very slowly, "on hold."

(7)