I'm Not That Innocent

We Need To Talk

This is another chapter dedicated to CiaranHehir for his feedback whilst I was writing it =) So thank you =)

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I found myself gazing into Matt's eyes, as cliche as it sounds they were so dreamy. I could happily sit there for hours looking into them searching his soul. He broke eye contact looking away abruptly so I used this time to compose myself.

"Well what can I do for you Aimee?" he said whilst looking down at his feet. Not a great sign, maybe he was just trying to be polite last night. Or even worse maybe he pitied me getting myself into such a state.

"I just wanted to say thanks for the lift last night, but you were obviously on your way out so I'll guess I'll be heading off," I mumbled trying to disguise the hurt in my voice.

I was just so stupid to think we'd be fine and dandy. I needed to stop searching for the positive side in everything, life just isn't perfect. We don't all get our happy endings. Things don't always work out the way you want them to and it had taken me 18 long years to realise this. It was then that I decided my new life mantra would be 'If something is broke don't fix it.'

I turned away and began to walk out the door when I felt a hand on my arm and once again the butterflies began to fill my stomach. These butterflies were much more intense than I'd ever felt with Jase and I suddenly felt at ease.

"Aimee, wait. We need to talk," Matt said softly.

His voice was so comforting I just wanted him to take me in his arms and hold me. I found myself facing him so close that I could inhale him. The scent of Armani Code filled me. Our noses were so close we were nearly touching and I found myself unable to break away from his gaze. It was as if he had some unspoken hold on me. His fingers wrapped around mine and he pulled me to the couch.

Neither of us spoke for quite some time we were too busy staring into each others eyes. Finally Matt broke the silence.

"You hungover then? You did a hell of a lot of drinking last night." the way he said this was almost awkward.

"Matt, I'm sorry if this comes across rude but you said we needed to talk  not idly chit chat. So can you please get on with it?"

"Ermmm...Okay."

I looked at him expectantly, what was so god damn awkward for him to say?

"Listen when I met you as cheesy as it sounds you brought some sunshine into my life."

I had to bite my lip to stifle the giggles that were dying to escape my mouth. He was right that did sound cheesy. Extremely cheesy, in fact I can actually say that it was the most cheesy thing I'd  ever heard a real person say; by real person I mean not a character in a story or film. I nodded eagerly encouraging him to carry on speaking.

"I'll be honest Aimee I've never met a girl like you before. You just make me feel so at ease  like I can be myself around you. And the sparks I feel with you I've never felt anything like them before. Do you feel them too?"

My mouth was so dry that I could only manage to whisper "I do."

"You're just so beautiful as well. Do you wanna know the reason I managed to burn the toast?" he grinned.

Matt's face lit up with this grin and his eyes sparkled, this made me feel much more comfortable and I began to relax.

"I was too engrossed in watching you sleep how beautiful and peaceful you looked."

I couldn't control my outburst of laughter. I could feel tears fill my eyes and stream down my face, but instead of tears of sadness these were tears of happiness something I hadn't truly felt for what seemed like a lifetime. Eventually, I became out of breath and my laughter died down. Matt looked unimpressed.

"I pour my heart out and you laugh at me. Actually, strike that, you having a laughing fit tears included," he pouted.

"Sorry I was just a bit weirded out that you intensely watched me while I was asleep," I poked him in his stomach as I said this. Mmmm those abs!

"I never said intensely, you just made it sound weird," he whined before prodding me back in the stomach.

I tried to maintain a serious face but couldn't help breaking out into a fit of giggles once again. To my relief Matt did the same and we were soon laughing uncontrollably. Eventually things died down and we were sat in silence again.

"Why did you leave Aimee?"

"Matt I-I-I-I," I stuttered "I was just so messed up I didn't know what to do so I ran. I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"I thought I'd pressured you into something you didn't wanna do. That was what hurt the most thinking I'd upset you. Cos honestly Aimee I'd never wanna hurt you purposely," he looked deep into my eyes as he murmured this.

I bit my lip contemplating whether or not to tell him.

"I thought I'd met the perfect guy and I slept with him. Before him I was a virgin, but as of Friday night I no longer was. The next day he sent a text probably meant for one of his crew saying summat along the line that the deed was done and that they owed him 200 bucks."

I sighed before continuing " So I decided to get my revenge, get a new look, make him jealous. I'd just had my makeover when I ran into you. Then we just clicked over that coffee. That jerk of a guy Jase, he was the one who had hurt me and he had the nerve to call me his. So I kissed you I thought it was to make him jealous but it just felt so right. Then we ended up back here and one thing led to another."

I found myself looking at my lap and twiddling my thumbs as I began to continue confessing "You made me feel different. I had all these sparks and butterflies. But when I woke up the day after I was just so embarrassed and afraid I'd turned into a slut. So I left. The look of hurt in your eyes as I was leaving almost killed me; I just curled up in a ball on the lawn at the front and cried, and cried and cried. I am so sorry Matt."

Matt pulled his hand away from mine as if he was disgusted by me. When I eventually built up the courage to look at him he was glaring at me furiously.

"You had the audacity to use me in some petty high school squabble! I thought you were better than that but it's obvious that you're just a little girl still. You really are unbelievable you know that?" he spat furiously.

I felt my eyes begin to fill with tears but I held them back, for the first time since this whole Jase business.

"Jase is welcome to you, you can play games with him cos I ain't gonna put up with them," he strode to the door and pulled it open with such force I genuinely thought he was going to pull it off it's hinges.

"I think it's best you leave Aimee."

I stood up and walked straight out not even looking back once. I wouldn't even give him the satisfaction. It was official I no longer gave a shit.

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