The Ramblings of the Mentally Unstable

My Thoughts at Night 5

I exhale slowly as my senses seem heightened I can almost feel the drugs at work programming my brain. I itch the spot where the pipe burned my skin. It hurt but it was itchy and I felt my eyes brim with tears. I had slipped again. I threw the pipe at the wall as the glass shattered. I screamed into my pillow and I felt so lost and alone. I wanted to die. I wanted to be gone. I crept into the bathroom.
Who was I anymore?
I crept out of my room and I jumped as I heard someone sigh in there sleep in the next room and ran quietly into the bathroom twisting the lock shut quickly. I put a hand over my racing heart and sank down onto the bathroom floor as the hopelessness and dread filled me again. Eyes threatening to overflow with tears again. I pulled my razor out from under the sink and lifted my shorts and I cut in neat little lines and circles till red ran down my leg like paint. I wiped my leg with my hands my eyes blurred by tears but I still saw the words on my leg.
Who am I?
My phone chimes and you text me saying you made it to your brothers' house and you hope we can be friends. I clutch my phone my hands shaking as I typed back.
"I can't lose you. Let's be friends."
I pulled my shorts down and pressed them to my cut. As the blood dried I left the bathroom after wiping away all traces. Then I looked at my shattered pipe and I climbed out of my window and headed to my dealer.
What happened to my life?
-Loveless_Jenova-