The Ramblings of the Mentally Unstable

My Thoughts at Night 6

I feel like dying.
I feel like crying.
I feel like ending it.
I want you to stay but you didn't love me anymore. I screamed as you walked out the door. I followed you my voice broken by sobs. You kept walking you ignored me. You climbed in the truck and started driving away. I screamed for you to stay. I screamed long after you were gone until my voice died. I silently sobbed my vocal cords to strained to make a sound. I cried as it rained soaking me to the bone. I loved you but you didn't love me and I know it is my fault. I am not perfect. I am not beautiful. I had nothing to hold you here. I screamed and hit my head against the ground on the rocks till I couldn't feel anything but beautiful physical pain it outweighed the emotional turmoil in me. I felt blood pour from my lips and I smiled my teeth stained red. I thought to myself.
"They always give up it's easier for them too."
You told me I broke your heart but what you never knew was your heart was never mine, to begin with. I heard you murmur her name in her sleep. I listened to you say how we were almost the same except she had curly hair and mine was flat and boring. I remember during the throes of such intense passion that my heart filled with love for you that you cried her name out instead of mine. I lost my happiness then. My face grew thin and pale gray. My hair lost its luster. My legs looked like angry red marks. Screaming at me that I wasn't good enough I was only second best. You thought it was my job that made me drop so much weight all at once but it was you. I loved you so much but you still loved her. How did I miss this?
What did I do wrong?
I felt the pain in my shattered heart and I violently beat my head against the rocks again. I would rather this pain than feel the empty hole in my chest. I felt more blood as it filled my mouth and choked me. I almost let it but I am too afraid to die. So I let it a spill out of my lips staining the rocks red. I picked myself up as I felt more blood drip down much chin and my nose. I wiped it away. I walked up to the steps my eyes still letting tears fall. I swayed dangerously on my feet and I thought.
Welcome to my life this is the end.
-Loveless_Jenova-