I was tired, but not the same type of tired sleep can fix. It felt like my soul was decaying. I couldn't force myself to smile, I couldn't force myself to talk. I didn't want life nor did I want death. I'm not very sure what I wanted. "YN, on in five." Milo informed me. Milo was a clown worker as well as a close friend of mine. We would talk about things that would trouble us, sometimes he would give me small gifts. He didn't regret or feel guilty about what he was doing, but he understood why I wouldn't want to be here. "Okay." I replied, continuing to watch the ongoing performance. The lion had swallowed the tamer's hand whole, not even chewing the bones. The boy's screams filled the stage as the audience continued to cheer, blood soaking into the splintery wood. I felt bad, truly I did. It was his first show. The first shows are the worst, they seem to be the most dangerous. I remember mine just like it was yesterday, the burning hoop scarring my arms and waist. The velvet curtains shut as the clown's scrambled on stage, pulling the lion tamer outside to his cage. They put away his props and soaked up the blood before rolling out my carpet. Well, it wasn't really a carpet. It was a small black panel with broken glass crushed on it, every time I looked at it it made me squirm. My hands were already cut to hell, I didn't know how well I would preform. I stood in the middle of the stage as the clown's left, the curtains beginning to open. Immediately, the audience began to applaud me. I was one of the best performers, my acts always ended well. "Ladies and gentlemen," I heard Laughing Jack begin to say. "Please welcome our finest performer, YN." The audience hooted and clapped and whistled. I didn't care about them, all I wanted was to get this over with. I began my handstand and started to walk on the glass, instantly feeling pain greet me. The glass poked my hand as the room filled with anticipation. I'm sure all the perverts in the crowd could hear my whimpers as well as the crunching glass. Just a little more. I thought to myself. Blood poured from hands as tears streaked my red face. I let out a breath of relief as I came to the end, the wood comforting my bare feet. "Let's give her a round of applause!" LJ chuckled as the audience did as they were told. Laughing Jack looked back at me, almost remorseful as the crowd cheered. I ignored his stare, glancing at my bleeding hands as the curtains finally shut.
