Initiate [ERIC/JAI]

15

I couldn't believe it.

Apollo was gone, all for being himself. I wondered what would happen to Four and myself. He’d been able to conceal himself for so long however, I didn’t know if I had it in me. I’m not strong, I’m not brave and I’m nothing like Four. My mind pondered the thought of seeing my brother, Connor. He seemed like a distant memory most of the time, I couldn’t even remember his existence before I was nine years old though he protected me with all the might he had. They were painful memories, the thought of them making me feel sick to my stomach. Four could sense my pain, he pulled me into his arms as we stood on the bridge of the chasm. Four was the only reason I was still sane, if it wasn't for him I'd already be dead. I looked into the depth of the chasm wondering..did Apollo feel any pain? I shook my head and wiped away a tear as both of us heard footsteps heading towards us. Our heads turned to the right, my eyes focusing on Eric. Four stepped back from me, my eyes catching his as he began to walk away. 

"I didn't have any part in what happened, Cassia. You have to know that." Eric's deep voice suddenly began to frighten me. "The kid was obvious, that's why they put him down." His words made me even more furious. 

"Put him down? Listen to the words coming out of your stupid mouth Eric. Apollo was not an animal, you don't put humans down." I pause, fighting back the tears. "You knew it was going to happen right? You knew that Apollo was going to be murdered yet you did nothing to stop it, that shows you had a part in it. If you felt the slightest inch of humanity, you would've stopped it. But you're sick, just like the rest of them." I grit my teeth towards him as I spoke, still forcing back the tears that threatened to escape. 

"If you need help Cassia, I can get you some. Tell me what you need." Eric murmured, his expression was weak. 

"What I need?" I pause. "What I need is for you to leave me the hell alone. First you completely confuse my feelings then you kill my only friend in this entire place!" I scream in his face, finally the tears winning the battle and pouring down my cheeks. "I thought you were going to keep me safe. I thought I was the person who was going to change you, make you see light in the darkness. How was I so wrong? Tell me, how did it feel to watch him get pushed off the roof, how did it feel Eric?" I question, pushing a fist against his chest. 

"It was horrific, Cassia." His eyes diverted away from me but I pulled his face back so his eyes connected with mine.

"So why didn't you stop it? Why did you watch it happen, Eric? Everyone has a choice in their life and you just made a massive wrong one." I spat at the chasm, pushing myself away from Eric, my feet carrying me away. 

"I couldn't stop it." His words pierced the silence. "I didn't have a choice." He added, his voice quiet yet loud enough to be heard. I turned my head to look at him.

"Sadly you're wrong Eric, everybody has a choice in life. We have the freedom to choose whether we live or die and you ripped that choice from Apollo, you played God today. That is unforgivable." One last tear escapes my eye as I turn away from the broken man on the bridge. He seemed genuinely upset however, it wasn't enough.

*

"Tests will be conducted tomorrow throughout the day, if you pass your test and finish above the line you will officially become Dauntless members. If you don't, you will be leaving us tomorrow." Max's spine-chilling tone drowned out the lunch room. My eyes caught Eric's for a second before he looked away. He looked exhausted. Not my problem. I shook my head and looked down at my bare plate. I couldn't eat, everything I tried flew straight back up.  

"Tomorrow we determine the brave from the cowards, the cleaners to the leaders. Rank at the top and you could be considered for leadership, it's everybody's dream job here at Dauntless." It was Eric's voice speaking now, though I kept my head down for the most part. "I'd just like to add something. I want everyone here to think, think of the people you've lost along your journey, think of your families. I want you all to think of the things you love the most and tomorrow turn that love into strength." My head rose and my eyes connected with his once again. "I know for some of you it's more than that, it's much harder than that. Trust me when I say, you can do it." I stood up from my seat and bolted out of the dining hall, my feet carrying me down the hallways until I reached our sleeping quarters. I darted to the nearest toilet and fell to the floor in front of it, the vomit releasing out of my body. 

"Cassia?" I heard a frail voice a distance away, I pulled my head up for a second. It was Jessica, you could notice her ginger hair from a mile away. "What happened to Apollo? I haven't seen him since yesterday and I.. I can't help but think something bad happened. He-he told me he was different." Her voice cracked so many times. I grasped some toilet roll and wiped my mouth, pushing myself from the floor and flushing the vomit away. 

"Being different isn't a choice around here. It gets you killed." Her eyes began to water, her arms beginning to shake. "Don't you worry, he's in a better place now. Somewhere he won't have to worry about being different." My heart sank although I walked away from the girl. The more I thought about Apollo, the more I wished I was the one dead. I pushed the double doors open and left the sleeping quarters once more.