Textes et Imagines

First love

Je ne sais pourquoi mais cette nuit, tu occupais mes pensées. Tu étais là, avec tes mauvaises habitudes, ton sourire et je me sentais bien. En vérité, j'aurais dû ressentir l'exact opposé mais j'accomplissais tout ça avec toi, et c'est comme si cela avait moins de conséquences.
Je me revois prendre la douille de tes mains, allumer le briquet et absorber la fumée après toi. Et recommencer, encore et encore.

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Even though that's the words I said, I didn't mean it entirely. I wanted you to fight for me, to try to convince me. I don't really know how I would have reacted but it would have meant that it matters to you. It matters that I will be by your side and not these... girls. But on the other hand, I can't trust you now. All these beautiful sentences you said I wanted to believe in. How can I? Were you sincere? Does this relationship mean something to you this entire time? Because, it don't look like. You know what it look like from my point of view? A game you played. It reminds you of something, duh? Right, that's what you said to me when I made my decision. Funny. If it was really a game, why do I have feelings for you? No sense.

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Right now I just want to by my side. So stressed out that I'm a mess. In that exact moment when I need to be okay. I just want to know that you care... even if it's only a bit. Like the text you send me because you knew that I'll be glad to receive it.

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"When you look at me now you will see the one you have been with, you'll regret the one you lost and you will realise the value which you'll never have again."

This is exactly how I feel about you now. But in the same time I know somehow I'll still care about you.

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And after the numerous nights caring about whether or not I'm still on your mind, I am okay with our breakup. I realise what I already knew. You only were a first love.