The Spying Game

Chapter Six

Chapter Six

Ronni paced in the hallway outside the conference room.

"Can I get you a coffee?" Ruth said, approaching her. She could tell that Ronni felt out of her element and wanted to help her relax.

"I could murder a cup of tea."

"I think we can manage that." Ruth gestured for Ronni to follow her and they walked to the Grid's small kitchen. "I'm Ruth by the way."

"Ronni."

"I know." Ruth smiled. "I also know that this can be a little daunting at first."

"To say the least!" Ronni wholeheartedly agreed. "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how can you do this?"

"I don't know," Ruth said honestly. "Sometimes I wonder that myself. The things we have to do, the decisions we make, it's not easy but at the end of the day it has to be done. Sometimes I feel like I can't go on, but I do."

"Do you ever get used to it?"

"I hope not," Ruth answered. "The day that happens I won't be me any more." She finished making the tea and handed it to Ronni. "We could use someone like you, you know."

"No," Ronni gave a mirthless laugh. "This world isn't me."

"It isn't me either, but we need more real people. There are too many in this game who just care about results, who see statistics instead of people. We should never lose sight of the consequences of our actions, or the consequences of our inactions."

"I couldn't do it. Besides, I'm not spy material."

"Nor am I," Ruth smiled. "But we need brains as much as brawn. You could be our CBRNE specialist."

"Except I'm only a specialist in the Biological component."

"You also have a second degree in chemistry."

"Only a bachelor's degree."

"I doubt there are many who are more more qualified, and you've already been vetted."

"Look, I... You've got the wrong person, okay? The work I do is important and could save lives one day."

"Here you'd be saving lives every day, not just hypothetically."

Ronni didn't know what to say to that.

"Don't answer now," Ruth said. "Just think about it."

Ruth went to leave the kitchen but Ronni stopped her.

"Ruth? What did Lucas do to you?"

"Nothing, why do you ask?"

"Please don't lie to me, I saw the way you looked at him."

"It's all in the past now. I've forgiven him." Her words didn't quite ring true.

"But?" Ronni prompted.

Ruth considered the woman opposite her for a moment before answering.

"But... let's just say that forgetting isn't quite as as easy."

"Then why forgive at all?"

"For the good of the country." Ruth shrugged then looked away. She was silent for a long while as she tried to describe things in a way Ronni would understand. "Harry," she almost whispered.

"I'm sorry?"

Ruth looked at her and smiled sadly. "There's always been a connection between us, me and Harry, I mean. Ever since we started working together there's been this pull, this connection, a tension, bubbling away just below the surface.  Anyway, to cut a long story short, I married someone else and Harry let him be murdered. I though that was it. It didn't matter why he did it, I just kept seeing him, over and over, falling to the ground, dead and Harry... Harry just sitting there, watching, refusing to save him. I thought that there was no way I could ever forgive him, let alone love him again."