Chapter Two:
Paige's POV:
I walked up to the steps and stood there. I didn't want to be any later than I already was....twenty three minutes and counting to be exact....but I was too fearful of the consequences to risk facing my dad right now. I've never been late before, I've never broken one of his countless rules before. And now because of my clumsiness I didn't even call to let him know. I knew he was livid and this time I would deserve what I got....whatever it was I would take it and this time I wouldn't hate him....from this day forward I would hate myself....because, I, Addison Jordan Paige, am a failure....
Just as I was about to turn away the door swung ipen and there stood my father. Rage filled his eyes making his once brown eyes turn black. I didn't protest when he grabbed me by the arma nd jerked me inside and slammed the door behind us. I didn't try to calm him down. I didn't do anything. I just stood there and let him do what he always does. He kicked me, punched me, cut me, stabbed me and so on.
But then he did something unexpected. Just as I thought he was done, he started to take off my clothes. He's never done this before and I don't know what's going on but I knew I messed up and whatever he did I deserved. I would accept this punishment because I brought it upon myself.
He kept undressing me until I was completely naked, just lying there bare on the floor of the doorway. Then he started to unfasten his trousers. I honestly had no clue what he was planning. If I had, believe me, I would have tried to stop him. I wouldn't have just lied there and let him. I'm only seventeen but even I could have put up a little bit of a fight. But he was too fast. He raped me.
My own father stole my virginity....right there in the doorway on the floor of our house. I would never be the same again. If I thought I hated myself before then I have no clue what I feel for myself now.
Before I could do or say anything he stood up and kicked me harder than he ever has before in the stomach and yelled, "GET THE BLOODY HELL UP OFF OF MY FLOOR! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! YOU DISGUST ME YOU UGLY FAT WHORE! YOU'LL SPREAD YOUR LEGS FOR ANYTHING THAT MOVES, WON'T YOU?!"
The tears poured down my face as I ran up the stairs to my room. I couldn't believe it. I'll never be the same person again. I....I....I have nothing left to say. So I do the only thing that I know can do the talking for me.
I run, or rather awkwardly limp walk because I was rather sore, towards my bathroom and grab the razor. I slam in against the sink until I just have the blade.
I hold in my hand the one thing that could take it all away. The pain, the reminders, the thoughts, the negativity, everything. But as much as I hated myself, I knew I wasn't ready to go that far yet. No, I just needed something to take me away from all of this for a moment.
I hold the blade against my left arm and begin to make cut after cut, slice after slice, until my whole arm is a bloody mess.
For a few minutes everything was great. And it was enough, for now. But I knew I would be abck later. Because those cuts would only get me so far. But aat least for now my mind was clear enough that I could think.
I knew what I had to do.
I was going to drop out of school. It was the only way. Then I would just have to run away. Nothing was holding me here and I can't let my father rape me again. I know I deserved it but I just can't handle that kind of pain again.
I walked over to my makeshift desk made out of old milk crates and a piece of plywood and I pullled out my journal. I began to make a list of everything that I would take with me and made a mental note to call the school in the morning before I took off and let them know that I was dropping out.
