Chapter Seventeen:
Zayn’s POV:
“Z-zayn, you don’t understand; and I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to make you, but I”ll try. But, just so you know, once I do, I’m going to walk out that door over there and I’m not coming back and I don’t want you to follow me….”
Is she serious? Did she really expect me to agree to this? But the more I thought about it I knew that I had to let her think that I agreed to this otherwise she’d never tell me the words I knew she so desperately needed to say.
So I nodded my head in agreement and decided that we’d sort out the technicalities later.
She took a deep breath and then she began to speak and that’s when I knew what real heartbreak felt like….
Paige’s POV:
I saw Zayn nod to me in agreement and I felt a pang of remorse for the conditions I had forced upon us, but I knew this was the only way. I had to make him see that he didn’t want me in his life. So that way when he found out what I’d done, no one would be around to miss me. It was only fair, it was the only way.
So I took a deep breath and began to say the words I never thought I’d have the courage to say.
“Ever since I was little I’ve always been different. I’ve never been someone who could smile, laugh or enjoy a time out with my friends; partially because I’ve never been able to be happy with myself and partially because I’ve never had any friends. It was like no matter where I went or who I was with or what I did all anyone could see was the bad and after a while that was all I could see. And it’s still all I can see; and when bad is all you see, bad is what you’ll be. Can’t you see, Zayn, I can’t be in yours or any of the boys’ lives. I’d only bring bad things. I already am, I’ve turned your lives upside down and you guys barely even know me. And I’m so sorry for that and if I stayed it would only get worse. I’m such a failure, no matter where I go or what I do I always manage to mess everything up and I’m not saying these things so you’ll tell me anything different, I’m trying to make you realize that having me in your life would just be a mistake. I should stick to myself for what little time I have left. I can’t take disappointing people anymore and I can’t stand being who I am anymore. I mean, look at me. I mean, I know it’s unrealistic of me to expect to look like a model or anything but I’m practically obese. I’m mortified just sitting here. Oh god, I can’t do this anymore! I’m so sorry, Zayn, but I have to go!” I broke off on a sob and ran out of the café-lounge thing and ran to closest bathroom I could find and locked the door and ran into the farthest stall and locked myself in that as well.
I quickly looked at the floor of the other stalls and made sure I was alone, and once I was sure I was I sat on the floor and sat my bag on my lap and dumped its contents on the floor, not really caring where everything spilled out to since it’s not like I would be able to have much use for it anymore.
Once I found what I was looking for I picked up the cool glittering metal and held it in the palm of my hand as I grabbed my earphones and plugged them into my phone and went to safari and googled the “What Makes You Beautiful” song and blasted it in my ears as I set it to repeat as I set my phone aside and picked up my blades and took what I hoped would be my last breath as I slashed into my left wrist as deep as I could until I felt my vein break and then the same with my right wrist until my hands gave way and I surrendered myself to the darkness that was overcoming me.
And my last thought was before I sunk into the darkness completely was that as I listened to the lyrics being sung by the boys I had just come to know, I truly felt beautiful for the first time in my life..
Death would make me beautiful….
