At War With Myself

Chapter 8

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea. If you don’t mind me asking, what happened to them?” She sounded concerned, but her face was expressionless; Figures, nobody ever really cared about me.

“Well, I told my mom all my problems, always, and I’ve had a lot of them. One day she just couldn’t handle them all and when I walked into my room after school, I saw her hanging there from the fan, limp.” My voice was shaky and my eyes were watering. Even though I had told this so many times, it still hurt me more and more.

“I’m so sorry!” Sue said. “What about your father?”

“Well, you see, when my mom became pregnant with me, he left us. I guess he knew I’d be troubled so he left early. I don’t actually know if he’s dead, I’ve never heard from him or seen him in years, but I hope he is. He was a jerk to my mom.”

“Wishing death upon people is very bad. Maybe we should try to find hi-“

“NO! I NEVER want to see him or hear from him again!!” I felt bad interrupting her, but she had to know I couldn’t be re-united with him; he’s never even met me, or cared for me, so why would he start all of the sudden?

“Well do you have any guardians? There has to be someone I can inform of your alcohol problems so they can rid your home of them.”

“Sorta. But he doesn’t care for me; all he does is yell at me until I cry. You CAN’T tell him! Please, please don’t tell him, he’ll kill me!! Please, you can’t, please don’t!!” I was sobbing. I couldn’t let him find out; he would kill me, literally!

“Well, I’m really not supposed to let you slide with these type of things, but how bad are things at home exactly?”

“Terrible! Last night I cried myself to sleep; he just kept yelling at me saying how he wished I wasn’t born and other stuff.”

“Well, why don’t you leave? Go to a foster home where I family that genuinely loves you can adopt you?” She sounded concerned now.

“I can’t leave without my sister. She’s my everything.”

“Ok. Hmm.” She stopped talking for a moment and then started typing on the computer. “Aha!” she said.

“What is it?” I asked.

“I can order a breathalyzer for only $5 and it will be sent here tonight. It looks like you really have problems at home; I’ll cut you a deal. No more alcohol. Every morning as soon as you come into school come straight here, I’ll check your bag, your breath, and your locker. At the end of the day, come here again. This will ensure you don’t drink any alcohol through the day. Now it’s up to you NOT to drink it when you go home, can you do it?”

“Yeah. It’s gonna be a challenge, but I’ll do it.” I had no intention of not drinking when I got home, I had to do it. It helped the pain go away, I needed that.

“Good, I’m proud of you Sarah. You’re stronger than you think you are.” Yeah, if she only knew I had another bottle in my bag and intended to drink it as soon as I left. I’m so “strong” haha, if only she knew. I grabbed my bag, waved goodbye, and then walked out. When I was far enough from her door where she couldn’t see me anymore, I took out my bottle and chugged down a big gulp. She didn’t understand me, or how I needed the vodka. It was my antidepressant. I took another large sip before walking back into class; Why couldn’t I have been drown at birth or something?