Infinite

Chapter 4

His hands clutched harder to me as my relentless sobbing paused. I shuddered in his arms, looking to his face for some scrap of comfort to cling to or to give. I shook my head ever so slightly; brows knitting in a sadness in which would always remain absolute. He was so inhumanly handsome, especially within the light of the candlelit room. The moon hung high in the sky and illuminated his face in an unearthly glow. His expression seemed to be one of slight searching and sorrow... as if he were trying to define what exactly was becoming of this... of us.

I caressed the side of his face, brushing away a disobedient hair that hand't been clinging to his skin a moment before. He seemed so incredibly human in that moment, as he summoned up a hand to stroke gently along the bone of my jaw. I could see the churning within his eyes, and it frightened me. He was a powerful and inhumane being; one that would tear apart the very strings of me in an instant if he so pleased. I loved to be in some sort of sickish control over a creature like that... no matter how dubious such an endeavor was. But in that moment, he looked nothing short of dissonant. I sighed a breathy respiration, closing my eyes briefly to hide the sight of my only anchor sinking.

It now was very clear that this game now had different rules. What they were, was another topic indeed; one that would take quite a bit of appraisal to decipher. I suppose the very compounds of our relationship had stayed the same since the beginning; I was a determined, traumatized boy in need of salvation and something to grapple my hatred to... and Sebastian was a lustful, obedient demon and servant whom acted on whims whenever it was allotted. I was still grappling, and he was still lusting. The only thing that had changed was the severity and depth of such elements. And, I suppose, the priorities in which they came. But souls such as these were always subject to change, and I was still forever searching for a brain to sink my very last bullet into.

I opened my mouth to speak, but for once in my life I had nothing to say. And so I kissed him deeply. My hands clutched desperately to his neck and into his hair. I felt him shift over me until I lay snug among pillows, and arched under his touch. His heat was inflammatory and irrepressible as it swarmed around me. His mouth moved as a trembling and vicious flame over my own; his tongue swiping gently over mine as my skin quivered below his effect. My head began to spin as he pulled away to kiss fervently across my neck to my collarbone. He found an area he deemed delicious, I suppose... for he sucked and bit at the juncture of my neck and shoulder.

I pulled him up by his hair until my eyes could no longer see anything but his. They stuck to me; glued into place by such a grievous pact. He was a supernatural being, one that was made to ruin and to bring unbearable lust upon the innocent. He was made for this purpose. He was made for me. And god... I knew to the very core of my being that I was most undoubtedly made for him. I had never felt such a need... such a passion before. And each time he took me it was rekindled like a precious flame that he could not allow to go out. And I gratefully let him singe me each time, for it made me feel alive... made me feel worthwhile. We were worth each other, and this was no ordinary contract... even I could tell that much. We were each so infatuated with the other that it mattered not what our intentions were in that moment. I only wanted to feel him, and that was enough for me.

And I knew then, that this was love.

It was a bitter taste upon my tongue... a crushing heat within my gut.

I could tell that my brows were furrowed and arched; upon my face an expression of agony, disbelief and bliss.

This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to fall in love. Every particle of my being felt so good and so odious that I could not bare to feel myself any longer. I clutched hungrily to him, desperate for an anchor to tie me back under the waves so that I would not have to rock against them so nauseatingly. He gathered my figure into his arms, and I had not the energy to reverent in my own despair; only enough to touch him... to feel him. I rested my forehead against his shoulder tenderly, and I knew that I must not let these feelings hinder me. But I was plagued with the horrible feeling called regret... and I wondered if I had made a terrible mistake in allowing myself such leisure. Nevertheless, I sighed into his skin... too worn to cry such tears.

Then, he whispered in a rasp, so quiet that I was barely able to hear,

"Mine."

And so I replied surely, into the shell of his ear so that I was sure it was audible to him,

"Yours."

And I had only one thought with an insistent mind.

It hadn't before, but now it hurt.