Infinite

Chapter 19

"Stay."

I hung over him in the dim light of the impending afternoon, stroking my thumbs along his cheeks... searching, it seemed, for something that I had then known to be lost. I wanted to ask him if he remembered now, what it was like to feel love, for he had once told me such a thing was impossible... though I was scared to ask, for somehow I knew I would not like the answer I would hear.

Corruption is forever, it seemed.

"Please... stay."

The implications were clear.

The butler Sebastian was no longer a living, breathing person... rather a figment of our collective imagination, and potent longing.  For things to return to the way they were, was nearly impossible.  He was no longer cultivated to my side by means of an inseparable, faustian bond.  There was no apparent need for him to return to the manor, and yet still, I hoped he would.

I could not bear the thought of a life without him. There would be no reason for me to keep on, after all. He had brought me into life anew by means of a set list of rules to follow. He had given me my second chance at life... he had interfered with fate.

One cannot interfere with fate and not expect extreme and violent retaliations.

They were bound to reverberate against every inch of rib... to echo across the galaxies of each of our minds and tongues.

If there was no Sebastian, there would be no Ciel. That is how the laws of nature seemed to work now, and I could not allow myself to be so selfish as to think that I could live a life of meaninglessness, even if I had found something worth living for.

"I have nothing left to believe in but you."

He looked at me, eyes flickering around my being as if he were trying to memorize every single pore of my skin. His hand crept up along my shoulder and to my neck, burying his fingers within my hair and tugging me down slowly.

"Please."

I whispered, pleading... voice thick and unraveling with tears.

I had unwound myself into him, regretfully. I was terrified of my own heart. It seemed to beat only for whatever it wanted, regardless if that very thing was bound to strike it dead. It seemed to stop and start with the way Sebastian carried it so. And now, I was bound again to loose the very thing which I existed solely for.

Perhaps, I had undoubtedly lost sight of whatever true objective there had been to begin with.

That is why I was urged to take responsibility... that is why I was urged to understand my own end as well as his.

He kissed me again, softly.

It was so gentle and warm, unlike his usual fiery caress of tongue against lip and hands against waist. His lips lingered for a time against mine, and my eyebrows knitted with the solidity of tears to accompany them. His thumb stroked against the skin behind my ear, coaxing the smallest of whimpers from me. He took the last bit of my heart with him when he pulled away so slowly, breaking my very being into two, for now he carried half of me with him as well.

His hand fell away as petals would to the melting snows of May.

I lay back down beside him, feeling the warmth of his arms sliding around me chest to pull my back against him.

I suppose I should not have expected an answer, but somehow I felt as though I barely needed one.

My heart sank slowly... deeply.