Broken

Once Beautiful Now Bloody

I just stared at my bedroom wall, as I had been for the past couple of hours. I swear I can drown myself in my thoughts do I dare try. I was thinking about everything. I wanted to get up, move around. Run outside and feel the warm breeze on my freezing body. But I couldn't. I knew it that if I tried, a surging pain would take over my head and stomach, I would want to drink water because of my dry mouth, but be incapable of it given my condition, and end up throwing it up.

My phone was lying on my table, just in my reach, when it lit up, Will's name filling up the darkness inside my room. I sat up a little (feeling strongly nauseous) and swiped the screen to answer his unexpected call.

"H-hey." He answered, almost in a whisper but not quite.

"Hi." My voice responded, sounding hoarse and extremely depressed.

"I just wanted to apologize for completely neglecting you these past few days. I have no excuse other then I was worried you didn't want to speak to me."

"Well," I replied. My voice sounding a bit stronger since I had spoken. "I would like to know what you have been keeping from me. Please, I don't have the energy for games right now. Just tell me."

"Why would you suspect secrecy, my dear Emily?"

"This is not you. You have been acting different even since Jasen's death. As far as I'm aware, you did not know Jasen very well, so it most likely isn't depression or just sadness. I think you know something I don't about him. Would you care to explain?"

The line went quiet for a minute.

"Emily, there is something I need to tell you. But not here, and not now. It will only cause your depression levels to rise and you may consider self harming. I couldn't live with myself if I were to cause that."

Now it was my turn to remain silent.

"You don't know a god damn thing about me Will! Maybe if you actually paid attention to me you would know what I do! You would know how depressed I am! How fucked up my life is!"

"Baby I-"

"Shut up! I'm not your 'baby', I'm not your anything! I have a right to know!" I choked up a little. "I loved him!"

And with that, I hung up, staring at my phone screen until it turned black. I got up, ignoring the screaming pain, and punched my wall as hard as I could, as many times as it took to create a hole in my gray painted walls. My knuckles were bleeding, and my heart was racing. I sat down on the edge of my bed and cried until my body fell into a deep sleep.