This is where I leave you//L.H

'1'

J A S E Y R A E ' S  P O V

The world to me was just black and white. There was no in between, no grey area that balanced it out - black and white was just how I saw the world. All the colour that once danced in my eyes, faded away along with the memories that once made me smile. My mind is black, black as the night sky on a stormy evening, where the stars no longer sparkle and the moonshine has disappeared behind a thick layer of dark clouds. My voice I would describe to be plain as blank paper but if you asked my family, my voice was white noise. I was a shadow in their eyes, a ghost that haunted the halls of their home, intertwined with the dust and dirt, I'm nothing to them - and now I'm nothing to even myself.

My friends call me pessimistic, sometimes even depressing but I just call my self a realist. The world isn't how it used to be when we were children, when our imaginations blinded us from the cruel concrete that this world was built upon. Wars and fighting, heart break and sorrow, lies and betrayal – the world is a place full of despair and I've learn to accept that, rather than try to deny it. Much to the disagreement of many people.

The warmth of my hot decaf latte was comforting as I strolled along my usual route down the street. I'd been living in London for almost three years now, and England my whole life, but it was safe to say that I still hadn't gotten used to the cold weather. The morning air was crisp and dense, and I could feel the icy breeze brush against my skin and chill me to the bone. It didn't matter that I was wearing three layers of clothing – it was still so very cold, and it was something that made me dislike the world just a tad further.

I hugged the latte close to me as a strong gust blasted through, kissing my cheeks and nipping at my nose. My life was pretty much planned to the tee but it was safe to say that when I had moved to London, I hadn't accounted for the fact that it was below zero degrees almost every day. Most people don't choose how their life ends up, but for me, my life had been prepared and structured for me since I was a child. The concept of fate was finicky to me, because my future was planned out extensively by my family, to the point where I slowly learnt to accept it. London was apart of that plan, and so were many other things – those things being my best friends.

As the thought graced my mind, I felt a vibration through my spine from my back pocket. Immediately identifying it as my phone, I pulled it out and clicked answer on the incoming call - the call that occurred at the same time each day that it was practically scheduled in.

"Good morning! How are you today, miss Jasey Rae?" A bubbly voice chirped through the phone. I should have been used to the greeting, but I don't think I could ever get used to the overly happy Kate at this time of the morning.

I walked across the road at the familiar pedestrian crosswalk. I immediately saw the familiar faces I saw almost every morning; the short blonde haired businesswoman who lived below me, the jogger who always came from around the block, the father and daughter and their small Jack Russell Terrier. It didn't matter that it was early on a Sunday morning, these people were the same people I saw almost everyday, and it was something that brought a sense of familiarity to me.

"Better than most days" I replied to Kate's question, taking a sip of my latte as I walked up the stairs to the block of flats. The truth was the morning had been better than most; I woke up earlier and didn't feel the overwhelming desire to stay in bed all day, there was no queue when I walked into the coffee shop around the corner and overall the day had been fairly pleasant. As soon as I said the words, I could practically hear Kate smile on the other end of the line.

"That's great!" She practically squealed, making me wince slightly. I entered my block of flats and unlocked the door leading to the staircase and lift, just as Kate began talking again "So when are you going to be home? I swear to God, Grace won't stop bugging the heck out of me about her boy"