Escaping Our Names

Insides Aren't Filled With Lilies

When Lila was six years old, she was lost in a grocery store. She had went with both of her parents on a Saturday, and that day her parents received the news that her mother couldn't have any more children. While she didn't understand this exactly, she knew that there was something wrong. She wanted to make her mother feel better, so she ran off when her parents were debating on what they should buy for dinner, and she went to the flower section. She thought her mom liked lilies, so she grabbed one and before she could turn around, a hand grabbed her small one. She screamed and tried to pull away, but the stranger held onto her tiny fist.

"You can't take that darling," the deep voice said. Lila looked up at the scruffy man. He worked there, she could tell, but he scared her. His teeth were silver and black and he smelled like old cigars. She dropped the flower and ran off to find her parents, but they weren't where she left them. She started to panic and cry, running around the whole store by herself. After awhile, a woman reached out for her and asked her what was wrong. Lila could barely make out words through her sobbing.

"You can't find your parents?"

"Yeah," she shuddered.

"It'll be okay. Come on," the woman said. She pulled her along to the front of the store to where the cashiers were. They had made an announcement throughout the store over the intercom, and for awhile there was no response. Lila was filled with this deep dread and she started to think of what she'd do if her parents never came back for her. While she was planning, the same man from before came up to her. Realizing this, she started to cry again and the adults around her came up to see what was the matter. Yet, even though the man seemed scary, he proved that he wasn't at all. He held out a perfect pink lily to Lila and smiled at her. Lila looked up at him in bewilderment, and slowly took the flower, expecting him to bite her at the last second. He just turned and walked away. A minute later, Lila's parents came rushing into the store, looking wild. They had gone home without the only child they had.

Lila and Jaime went out to the back balcony. The balcony was only three feet higher than the cement and it faced a small forest, separating the house from the one behind it. The cool air felt nice on Lila's wet cheeks. She felt unbelievably stupid to have put so much trust to a person that she hadn't even known for a week. She never thought that Larken would do that. Ever. That would have been the last thing she thought he'd do. Lila hated herself.

"God, I hate myself," she said and slammed her fist on the wooden balcony. "I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself!" she screamed and slammed her fist on the wood harder.

"De, stop it. Stop!" Jaime grabbed her fist. "This house is older than my grandparents. You're going to break it." Lila sighed and slid down on to the floor, resting her arms on her knees, and her head in her hands.

"Why did I trust him? Why was I so quick to think I knew him? I don't know him at all," Lila said. She looked up at Jaime. Jaime looked sympathetic.

"I'm sorry Delilah. I don't know why Lark did that. I thought he was an honest guy too. Well, I only met him once. Last week." Jaime sat next to Lila and rubbed her knee. Lila looked at her old friend.

"How do you trust your boyfriend, what's his name?"

"Fred? Oh, I love Fred," Jaime looked away happily, like she was reliving all of her favorite moments. "I love him half to death, but I don't know if I completely trust him." She laughed. "I can trust him to sometimes lie to me about where he's going, or what he's smoking, but I trust him when he tells me how beautiful I am or how much he loves me."

Lila didn't speak after that. The two girls sat together in silence, and then after awhile, Jaime got up to go to the bathroom. Lila, left alone, looked up to the sky and thought about first impressions. When she first saw Larken, she wanted to put all her trust and feelings into him and hold him tight. Now she realized that, like when she was younger, people aren't what they seem like.

"Lila?" She snapped out of her thoughts and looked at the sliding glass door in front of her. The blonde girl that was on top of Larken was standing in the doorway.

"Go away," Lila said through her teeth.

"Wait Lila, can you just hear me out?" she asked, closing the door behind her, so it was just them two.

"I don't want to."

"It wasn't Larken's fault. It was mine. He's pretty beaten up about it too." The blonde bitch continued on, not caring about what Lila had just said.

"If it wasn't his fault then he wouldn't be beaten up about it. Now please leave me alone."

"Lila, I think he really likes you. He never acted so upset when used to fight, and trust me, our fights were way bigger." Lila's eyebrows furrowed.

"You guys dated?" she asked. Blonde bitch laughed. It was more of an ugly cackle instead of a laugh.

"I wouldn't say dated per say. More like we were friends." She smiled down at Lila and flipped her hair like it was a habit. Lila was silent on the outside, but on the inside her mind was screaming with the thoughts of this girl and Larken doing all of these things together and other things Larken might have done in his past.

"Anyway," the girl said, "I just wanted to let you know that I had no idea you even existed and I wouldn't have climbed on your man if I had the slightest clue that he was already sticking someone else." Lila looked at her disgusted. "Bye Lila. I hope you guys work it out. Larken is just-" she groaned," the best." She turned around and walked back inside. Lila didn't want to cry, or be mad. She just felt disgusted with everyone and everything, including herself. She felt bad about she looked compared to the girl. She wondered if that's why Larken decided to make out with her again, because of her body. She'd never look like that. Did Larken ever compare her to that girl? Lila just wanted to go home. She got up and pushed past all the teenage sweat and disease to the front, and started her way home.