Escaping Our Names

Disease of a Mind

The cement was wet with the earlier rain and Larken slid his foot back and forth as he took a long drag from his cigarette. He had thought he had done drugs earlier, but that was an excuse for himself. He told himself, that if anyone called him out on his actions, that that's what he was going to tell them. He had said it over and over to himself, that he had started to believe it. He only high on his disease of a mind. He couldn't believe that he had threw a fit towards Lila. he had acted like a damned six-year-old, blaming her for nothing, but he was just so surprised to see her there in the first place. He would have never thought that Lila would be at the sort of place. Especially with what she's said about her parents. I guess I don't know her as well as I thought I did. Larken hated himself now, almost more than any time before. Even when his mom started to hurt herself and told Larken that it was his fault. He hated himself, and his piece of shit life. He tilted his head back and screamed into the air as loud as he could. He expected the world to stop for him. For the birds to not fly, for the music blaring to be silent, for the teenagers to stop whatever they were doing, and stare, but none of that happened. No one was phased at his pain filled screams into the late night chilly air. Larken collapsed on the ground and started to cry. He never really cried before, since he was a child. He always held it in. He sobbed so hard, his body was shaking so hard, that his cigarette fell a foot away from his body. He ran his fingers in his light hair and pulled on it hard. He couldn't stop thinking about how he screwed everything up for himself his entire life. After what seemed like an eternity, Larken picked himself up and wiped of his tears and went to find Fred.

Lila heard a scream. She stopped suddenly in her tracks and was silent. She knew it was Larken. She stifled a whimper, and then she slowly walked home.

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It had been days since Lila and Larken broke up at the party, or that's what they both assumed. It was Lila's sixteenth birthday and she woke up to her parents sitting on her bed, shaking her wildly.

"What?" she asked, squinting at the sun coming through her window.

"It's your birthday!" her mom shouted, shaking her again. Lately her parents had stopped nagging her about her grades and her chores. She thought they had probably noticed that she was acting different for once. Lila had stopped eating as much as she used to and she had stopped talking about much. Before she used to try to get their attention with morbid comments or complaints about her life, but that just gave them the chance to lecture her more. Now that she stopped doing anything, they actually started to see their own daughter. She wished she had thought of doing this a lot earlier.

"I know it's my birthday. It's the day I first cried."

"Don't be so depressing Lila. God, it's the day you sliding down the bloody slide of life, called my vagina," her mother said.

"Oh my God, Mom!" Lila whined and put her face into her pillow. Her mom laughed, while her father looked disgusted.

"Come on Lila," her dad said," You have an appointment in an hour." Lila stiffened.

"What?"

"Yeah, don't you want to get your license?" Lila sat up and her parents laughed.

"I'll be ready in five," Lila said, and went into her bathroom to brush her teeth and hair. She was so surprised and so happy. It felt good. As she was brushing her teeth, she overheard her parents talking in the other room.

"See, I told you Tabi. She's fine. She just needed something to cheer her up."

"I know. I just think that she's not telling us something."

"When did she ever tell us anything?"

"I guess, you're right Phil, it's just I wish she would tell us more, and, I don't know, act happier?"

It was easier said than done. Lila walked out and threw on some clothes. She had waited until she heard her parents leave. After grabbing everything she needed as fast as she could she bounded downstairs, and went for the door.

"Nuh-uh. You need to eat something first," Lila's mom called from the kitchen. Lila sighed, and then went in there to see that her mom had made a stack of chocolate chip pancakes with rainbow sprinkled frosting. Lila smiled big as her mom put a candle on it and lit it.

"Make a wish Delilah." Lila kissed her mother and said thank you, before making a wish and blowing the candle out. Lila looked outside the window and saw a horned lark songbird, sitting on a branch and staring in.