Pull Me Up (a destiel au fanfic)

chapter 30

I hesitated outside the door, my hand on the knob for what seemed like hours. 

How would I approach Cas, especially about the fact that he'd cheated on me and lied to me? Would I call Alex eventually? Castiel was going through a lot, just like I was- he thought Claire's death was his fault. 

But in a way, wasn't it all of our faults?

Finally I just forced myself to push the door open and the minute I reached the line of sight from the kitchen, Claire and David's heads whipped over to look at me. David was leaning against the counter, a mug full of what I assumed was alcoholic in it and Charlie was sitting at the table, a bottle of Bailey's in front of her. She got to her feet immediately upon seeing me and came at me, slapping me across the face. 

I blinked and shook my head in shock. 

"Where the fuck were you today!?" she screamed in my face. "I was counting on you to be there for me, Dean! We were all counting on you!! Where the fuck did you disappear to!?"

I took a step back, trying to hide the thick cast on my arm behind my leg as I stuttered out a response, "I-my-uh- I was- Alex and I- we- I went to the hospital and I-"

She lifted her arms and pushed me with more force than I expected and I stumbled back. "How dare you!? Claire loved you so much and you- just- you abandoned her! This was her funeral, Dean! This was the last chance you had to make things right with her and you go- what? You go get drunk and end up in a fucking hospital for what!? For alcohol poisoning? God dammit Dean, I want to slam your head against the wall!" she lifted her hand again and this time David came up behind her and grabbed her arms from behind, pulling her back against his chest. Her face crumbled and tears gathered in her eyes as she turned around to clutch him. 

He glared at me from over her head, shaking his menacingly. I looked away as he lead Charlie out of the room and walked over to the table to find my phone sitting on the corner where I had left it. I unlocked it to find 27 missed calls and 43 messages. None of them were from Castiel, only from David and a few from Alex. I was still disgusted with not only him, but myself as well. I couldn't believe his complete and utter lack of remorse for tearing Cas and I apart, even if it hadn't happened yet. 

I waited impatiently at the table, taking gulps of the Bailey's with anticipation while David took his sweet time doing whatever he was doing with Charlie. 

A few mere moments later he walked calmly out of the hallway and met my eyes angrily. "Dean, I don't want to be angry with you, okay?" he said as he sat across from me. His eyes were trained on mine, not breaking contact once. "But it's obvious that I am. I just need to know why, after everything, you ditched out on us last night and for Claire's funeral. I would have been more... understanding if you'd shown up to the service, but you didn't. And there's an obvious problem with that. Charlie's right, Dean. You and Claire left each other on bad terms, and this was your time to make peace with her. You didn't come. Why? I just... I want to know why, Dean."

I looked away, unable to gaze at his pleading eyes for a moment longer. How could he be so patient with me? I had let him down completely and yet he was still calm and collected...

I looked down to my cast and lifted it a little for him to see. He gasped, eyebrows furrowed in a silent question. I looked away. "I went by Alex's house last night," I said quietly, looking back up to him despite my mind's protests. He nodded; he had already known that. "And... we- stuff ended up- I don't know how- but- and we- I don't..." I buried my head in my hands. "I don't know how it happened. I was drunk and-"

"And you slept with him," he nodded, keeping eye contact. "He told me."

"He did?"

That was not his place! How could he?