curly

chapter 5 why

(A/N please tell me what you think! leave me a comment or give me a vote :) let me know if you have any ideas for the story. you can follow me on twitter if you want @swegnarrycake and sorry if there are a bunch of mistakes on this chapter, and im sorry if its kind of short. )

later that afternoon, me and harry had acted like nothing happened. The boys would tease about what they think went down outside but we'd brush it off. We acted like we had been the whole time they've been here.

What does he mean "I understand."? Its not like he knows what happened.

After we got back inside the boys continued the game, while I went to the bathroom to dry off. Apparently harry had only been doing truth after the rain thing, and sat in the wet spot he created on the floor while he waited for the bathroom.

I came back in dry clothes on and of course they were bored out of their minds...again.

I sat down next to Liam on the floor and there was a weird silence. For once none of the boys were being obnoxious, they were all too tired and bored. They look like me when I'm at school.

"What do you guys wanna do?" I asked them, hoping to get a good suggestion.

"There's nothing to do." Liam stated. I laid back on the floor.

"We could watch another movie." This made the boys groan. "Come on if we pick a good one it won't be that bad." I said getting up, looking through the rack of DVDs.

"What about," I paused dragging out 'about',"this." I held up 'easy A', getting no response except a few empty looks, I popped it into the DVD player and let the opening commercials run while I got my self a couple of blankets. As the movie started I got myself comfortable on the floor next to harry and Liam. Surprisingly comfortable with the distance between me and them.

Half way through the movie I started getting tired, and it was only 8:30. None of the boys looked tired, they were all actually watching the movie and enjoying it. My body relaxed as it started giving into the fatigue taking over. Harry must have felt it because he squirmed around a bit to where I was more comfortable than I thought I could have been. By 9 o'clock, zayn was out on the couch and the rest of the boys were getting there. Laying my head on harry shoulder, I gave in to the tiredness, and slipped into my familiar every night dream.

My reoccurring nightmare was interrupted when i felt a warm embrace wrap around me in the middle of the night, and by the smell around me I could tell it was harry. I felt around without moving to much, realising we were all still in the living room. Zayn was on the couch laying on his stomach, niall was cuddled up with a pillow on the floor, Liam was on the other side of the couch tangled in my blanket, Louis was wrapped up in my second blanket by the foot of the couch, and harry was with me I the floor.

"Are you okay?" Harry barley whispered in my ear.

"Yeah, just a bad dream." I whispered back, now facing him.

"Do you want to go upstairs?" Does he mean the attic?

"Sure." We got up quietly and tried not to wake up any of the boys. This thing that was happening with me and harry is something I promised myself would never happen again. But with harry I felt more comfortable than I had with anyone before. I actually trusted him enough to come into the attic. Like real trust, not like the trust I faked when I was talking to Louis.

When we got to the second floor he stopped me.

"You don't have to let me up there, ya know?"

"I know." I told him. There was a pause until I grabbed his wrist, opening the secret door and climbing the stairs up to the attic, closing it behind me.

Opening the door to the attic was like opening up to a whole new place. The scent of pine, perfume, books, a fireplace hits you like a wall. I took a deep breathe and it relaxed me. I sat on my bed and watched harry reach for the pile of blankets.

"You don't need those." I told him

"Well its quite cold at night and the floor is hard, so I kind of do."

"No, I mean this bed is big enough for both of us." He finally realized what I meant and turned off the light, only letting the moonlight fill up the room. I Laid under the comforter and harry laid next to me on his side, looking at me. Turning on my side I watched harry, as he watched me. He had a looked at me in a way I've never seen anyone look at me before. He reached up and brushed hair out of my face. His touched sent goose bumps covering my body. He slid his hand on my neck, down my arm and into my hand intertwining our fingers. I accepted.

"I know you're afraid." He told me. "Can you tell me why?" There was a silence until I spoke.

"I'm not scared." I told him.

"I know you are, Rae. Admit you're scared." I let go of his hand and sat up, causing him to also sit up.

"When was the last time you cried?" Why was he asking all these questions?

"I don't cry." This surprised him.

"Everyone cries, Rae." I just looked at him. The moonlight highlights all the best features on his face in a way that forced my guard down. He didn't look real.

"You can tell me anything. I don't want to fix you. I want to you to fix you."

"Harry." I understood what he meant. No one can help me but myself. before someone false in love with, you have to fall in love with yourself first.' Its what my mom told me when i was a kid, and its true. "I'm scared." Barley above a whisper.

I admitted. It was like I finally got rid of that bag of bullshit I've been carrying around with me for a year. I can't even remember the last time I said it but I know that last time I did I got a brutal beating and names thrown at me that I will never forget. I looked down at my hands and took a deep breathe.

"Why?" The dreaded question. 'why?'

"Because..." I paused looking up at his loving eyes, "because.... if you get to close to something it always goes away no matter what. People you love will use and abuse you until your a little shell that can't do anything for herself. Eventually everything goes away and you realize that the world is complete and utter bullshit, trying to get into your head. You always get little hits of temporary bliss but after its left what do you get? You get an even more realistic view of how fucked up and cruel everything around you actually is, and it just makes you want to die..." by the end of my answer I was looking out into no where and I was speaking as if I was drifting off until i was snapped back into reality by harry saying my name. I looked at him with longing eyes hoping he didn't think I was weird or would leave me. But that how I look at everyone. This is what I was afraid of getting attached to someone. I already think that when pin around people but when I'm attached its even worse.

"I know what happened to you." He said in a low voice. My heart stopped and I looked at him hoping he didn't know what I thought he knew."You talk in your sleep." He looked down, I could hear hints of guilt in his voice.

"Don't tell anyone." I begged quickly, only my parents and the people involved knew. Harry touched my wrist.

"I won't," he paused, "I promise." He stared at my eyes. I believed him. I looked at him as he rubbed my hand with his thumb. "You're beautiful and worth it. Remember that." He said to me. My face started getting hot, but it wasn't the blushing kind of heat it was the eye stinging, lip quivering kind of heat. I tried taking a deep breath which caught in my throat and for the first time in a long while, I finally let the tears fall freely down my face without trying to stop them. Harry hugged me and I sobbed into his shoulder until, i my eyes hurt so much I couldn't anymore.

"I'm sorry." I told him.

"Its okay." He kissed my forehead, and we laid down in surrounded my the comforter and various other blankets and pillows.

I fell asleep cuddled up against his warm comfortable body, not having another dream for the rest of the night.