roommates • lashton

4.6

l u k e

My eyes were shut closed as I felt a pair of warm hands slide up and down my torso. A pair of soft lips worked my neck, leaving gentle yet firm kisses against my skin.

My hands found their way to his lower back and the back of his neck, pulling him closer to myself. His soft breathing tickled the crook of my neck, making me move away slightly, but he was quick to follow, keeping his lips pressed against my skin.

My breathing was deep but forced, trying so desperately to be relaxed but it just didn't work. Even though my body reacted the way Ashton wanted to, my mind was in a whole other place.

I tried to not make my problems take over my mind, but it was quite impossible with all the shit I was going through. I had been so sure of how I would be on top of the world after the game and come out as a winner and get the contract I wanted.

It wasn't like all of that had gone down the drain; I was happy about the fact that I had played a good game - aside from the penalty and broken finger - and I was happy about the fact that teams still wanted me. They were great teams as well, so maybe I shouldn't act like I was being robbed of everything I had.

I was just tired. Tired of acting and tired of lying to myself and everyone around me. I had been living like some arrogant asshole for my whole life just to make sure people wouldn't notice what gender I was actually attracted to.

It was pathetic really, but that was what I was. I was a scared and pathetic boy who rather hid and acted like I was someone else, than to just tell people who I really was.

Because honestly now; there was no way people would respect me like they respected Ashton. Sure, he had gotten his fair share of looks and comments from the media, people around town, and even some of the guys, but he ignored them with grace. He always had something to say, and that made the people who commented on him to shut up.

I couldn't fucking do that. If I told people I was gay, that's all they would see. Everything I'd do would turn me out to be a sissy, and even though I liked to think I was good at taking criticism, I wasn't. And to play professional soccer and being known by millions while being out as gay wasn't anything I'd be able to cope with.

So with that in mind, I ignored the folder on top of my bag that was filled with contracts, and pushed them away until the day I finally had to make a decision. It wasn't that I didn't want too play soccer anymore, it was just that I was too scared. Pathetic and scared.

I was pulled away from my self pity when Ashton grabbed my chin and turned my head to the side, attaching our lips without saying anything. The act took me by surprise and I had been so deep in my own thoughts that I hadn't noticed how his hands had raised my shirt up to my chest, leaving my stomach bare and cold.

His legs were tangled with mine and he enthusiastically moved his lips against mine. I tried to keep up with his tempo, but my body and mind were so slow, making my actions delayed and stiff. Ashton seemed to notice because he slowed the kiss down before stopping fully and pulling away.

"What's wrong?" he asked and pursed his lips, making me breathe out a chuckle, because what wasn't wrong?

"Nothing" I lied and played with the hair at the back of Ashton's neck before pulling him down to attach our lips again. He sighed into it and I knew he wanted to continue speaking about it, but by the tight grip I had at the back of his neck, he understood very well that I did not want to talk.