ill be alright

January 6

010616
20:07

recently ive been getting this strange nervous feeling. i know what your thinking, 'melanie, aren't you on your period?'

well yeah but i know the difference between butterflies and nervousness between period cramps. trust me ive been in enough situations to know what it feels like.

anyways for the past couple weeks i keep getting this weird nervous feeling and idk what its for and why im getting it. they say trust your gut feeling and i do. ive always trusted it and its always right tbh. so know i just have to know what it is. i honestly can say that something is going to happen and its not going to be good. i have an idea of what it might be but im not too sure.....

hmmm. oh well. we'll see.

anyways ive been so happy lately. like ive been in such a good mood like, all the time now. ofc except when theres a problem, but other than that ive been jamming out and smiling bigger. even shayla and karen, i think, noticed it too. who knows. probably bc theres less stress around me.

i mean yeah theres all those problems, but i cant really do much about it. theyve been there for awhile now and its honestly im becoming really numb to it. itll probably still affect me a little bit bc it is a lot, but ive just been trying to not think about it too much. as long as i dont set my brothers off, ill be okay.

i enjoy this single life. i have been actually in the past years. now knowing how hard it is to maintain it especially if the people in the relationship arent completely comfortable, i probably wont be in one for a while now. as much as i joke about why im still single, im really just kidding yknow? karen too. like shes been more happy after she broke things off with tevis. even tho he still cant seem to take that date off his bio... ugh so clingy even after things are over.

anyways karen and i are going to enjoy our single lives till the end of the school year. idek if id date in freshman year. if i have a big enough interest or you can convince me then sure but overall i probably wont.

oh whaleee.

i feel so light and happy like i can do anything now. ouuuu wowww im like so happy and chill and free. nothing weighing me down. thats the type of relationship i need. one that im comfortable and happy with and can still feel like this. in fact i need a relationship that will making me feel even lighter and happier. not one thats forced. that type of relationship is the worst feelings. those are too hard to deal with. 

out of the two relationships, ive only had that light, free, happy feeling with only the one tbh. but its sadly over now. but its okay, it doesnt matter anymore. ill find another one, one day. not now tho like ive said.

im just glad i feel better now, besides that nervous feeling but ill just sit on the sidelines for that and watch.

hmm idk what i want to dye my hair. bc after i bleach it again, the next week im going to dye it a colorful color. it either going to purple or red. im debating which one i want to do bc my cousin has the red dye already, but purple has been my favorite color for the longest time now and like i want my hair to be like pastel purple. ouuu maybe i can do a red/purple ombre. idk yet ill see when i go to my cousins house on saturday.

im all out of things to say now. aight then ill type when i want again.