Oliver Queen dead.
·•·
Felicity awoke at 3:17 am. She wasn't tired. She hadn't dreamt. All she could feel was dull, empty sadness. Do you know the sensation that feels as if you're completely alone in the world? The feeling that is not quite painful, but almost. . . empty? That was how she felt. She knew that she should be in agony, but she wasn't.
She turned the television on. She didn't care what was showing. She wasn't going to watch it. She wanted noise. Anything but dead silence. Dead silence. She now knew why it was called that. It came after death. The silence that was left in Death's wake. The silence that could never again be wholly broken. His voice would never again break the silence. His voice would never again tell her that everything was alright. Because Death had taken that away from her. Death had taken him. The world would never again hear the voice that Death had stolen.
She stared at the hands resting on blanket-covered legs. She stared at the left ring finger. The beautiful ring that he had placed on the hand. Her wedding day. Their wedding day. Was it still theirs if only one of them left? Hers. Theirs. Hers. Did it matter? It did. It mattered so much.
But she couldn't think. Everything was blurry.
She wondered where the pain was. She knew that she could not yet feel it. She knew that it should be agonising. But she only knew it; she did not feel it. It was as if she was experiencing it through layers of padding. It was there, but it didn't feel real. It didn't feel like he was really gone.
Sometimes, she reached for her phone, wanting to call him. Sometimes she relaxed for a moment and expected him to walk through the door. He would sort through the stack of mail on the table and ask about her day. Her mind had not yet convinced her heart that he was gone. Her heart didn't know yet. It didn't know that he was dead.
Felicity wanted to sleep again. But she wasn't tired. It was 3:32. She didn't know what to do. Without him everything was different. But somehow, she still expected him to come back. She knew that it was impossible, but she couldn't stop hoping. Everything they went through was impossible.
In the billions of people in the universe, they had found one another. They had fallen in love with one another. Against all odds, their love had survived. Although the world tried its hardest to cut it down, their love had not just survived, but grown. It had become beautiful, shining brilliantly above every trial they faced.
And that was why she had found it so difficult to believe that this love had been shattered to pieces in an instant. She still loved him. But he was not there to be loved anymore. Is it still love when only one heart is left loving?
She didn't know. So she cried. She cried for him. She cried for herself. She cried for the love that lay shattered with her heart. She cried and she cried. She cried until she fell asleep again.
