Holding On

Chapter 2

"Now?!?" I ask.

"Now." Jade bites her lip.

"You could've at least texted me earlier, ya know, given me a warning?" I spit.

"I'm sorry! My phone was in my bag!"

I run back into my room. Great. Now I have to attempt to look sort of decent. I finger through the clothes hanging in my closet. I decide I can leave the jeans, but I have to change my shirt. I find my flowy, black and white striped tank. I tear off the Beatles T-shirt and pull on the tank.

I walk into the bathroom and touch up my makeup. It needs to be perfect. I look at my frizzy, blow dryed hair. I turn on the flat iron and hope for the best. I close the door and lock it. 

I'm halfway through straightening my hair and then I hear Jade.

"Luke! You're here! And I see you brought Josiah!"

Josiah. He sounds like a tool.

"Brie! Come out here!"

Great. Now she's embarrasing me. Gosh.

"One minute!" I reply. 

I finish my hair and comb through it quickly. It looks decent, you could say. I wish it was longer, though. My hair barely reaches my boobs. And it doesn't help that I'm still an A.

I unlock the door and walk out into the front room. 

"Hi." I say, warmly. 

Josiah and Luke look at me. I hope they don't think I'm hideous like I do. I turn to Jade.

Josiah isn't that unfortunate looking. He has almost-black hair and blue eyes. He's a little taller than me, maybe 5'8". He has a great nose, it's not huge or tiny. It's a perfect size for a nose. I'm slightly jealous. His hair isn't long, but its still scruffy. 

"Josiah, this is Brie. Brie, Josiah." Josiah and I wave to each other awkwardly. Jade and Luke run off somewhere else leaving Josiah and I by ourselves. 

"So," He says.

"So," I reply.

"Is this awkward for you too?" He whispers.

"A little." I whisper back.

We both laugh, but not really. Its more of a lets-just-laugh-because-it-might-make-things-less-awkward-but-doesn't laugh. 

"So Jade told me that you just moved here."

"Yep, I hate it here."

"Me too."

"Really?" He asks, seemingly surprised.

"Yeah.." 

"So what do you like to do?" Josiah wonders. 

"Nothing really, I play guitar."

"Thats cool. I just play baseball." He replies.

We end up talking for 30 minutes or so. We exchange numbers, then leaves. Luke is still here, though.  I go back to my room and turn on my computer. I have a workout app that I use twice a day. I change into shorts and a cami, and pull my hair into a high pony. 

******************************************************************************************************

50 Jumping Jacks.

150 Sit Ups.

60 Push-Ups.

90 Squats.

2 minute plank.

Butt Kickers and High Knees. 

70 Leg Lifts. Both legs.

10 minute wall sit.

When I'm finally finished, I sit on the edge of my bed, out of breath. I'm breathing heavily. 

 I lie down, and before I know it, I'm asleep. 

I'm awaken by my phone. It's a text from Josiah. I reply quickly, and set it back down. I change back into normal clothes. By now, everyone is home and I should have my guitar lessons soon. 

I walk into the kitchen where both my parents are. 

"Ready for guitar?" My dad asks.

I nod. He takes me to my lesson, and I completely tune everything out. I tune out him, I tune out my instructor. I love guitar, but I hate people telling me what to do. My arms and legs are sore. Not to mention my legs are still stinging from when I cut this morning. After an hour and a half, my dad comes to pick me up and we go home.

When we arrive, dinner is on the table.

Spaghetti and meatballs, garlic bread, and salad.

Great.

I sit down, and the voice is screaming at me.

DON'T EAT! DON'T EAT. DON'T. EAT. DON'T! EAT!

However, my face is completly emotionless.

My parents have no idea of my 'problems'. I take a small portion of the spaghetti. Pasta is very filling. I want to stay away from grains. I stay completly away from the bread. I take plenty of salad for me, but it would seem like a normal helping to others. I drink lots and lots of water. About a whole glass before I even touch the pasta. My mind is yelling at me to not eat as the fork comes closer to my mouth. I eat my meal slowly. We make small talk, but my family is not very close. We don't like to open up to each other.

I put my plate in the dishwasher. After dinner, Jade leaves for Luke's, my mother goes to work, and my dad has a meeting to attend.  In about 10 minutes, I have the house to myself yet again.

I lock myself in the bathroom. I shove two fingers down my throat and try to purge. But I can't. I just can't. No matter how hard I try, I can't force myself to do it. I'm weak. 

I hate myself. 

It starts to get late. 

I crawl into my bed, falling asleep as I sob.