Holding On

Chapter 3

I hate myself.

I hate myself so freaking much it's not even a joke.

I wake up in the next morning, my face is stiff with my dried up tears. It's a Sunday. I look at my phone.

11:51.

I slept too long. My sister is at soccer, and on Sundays they stay longer. She won't be home until 4 today. My mom has yoga on Sundays and Dad goes into work extra early on Sundays.

The only good part about sleeping in is that there is no temptation to eat.

I walk out of my room and downstairs into theatre room. I need to stay as far away from the kitchen as possible. I end up falling asleep again on the couch watching a new episode of Project Runway.

I'm awoken 30 minutes later by a text from Josiah. He asks me if I want to hang out.

'I don't feel up to it...' I reply.

A few minutes later, he answers. 'C'mon, I'll come there! Pleasee?!'

I kinda laugh. 'Fine. But you have to come here(:'

I get off the couch and go upstairs. I need to get ready.

I get another text. 'Ok, be there in 30(:'

I have to find a good pair of pants. I'm still wearing my shorts from my workout last night and you can still slightly see my cuts.

I put on a pair of thick patterned leggings and a big but-not-too-big-so-it-looks-dumb shirt. I walk into the bathroom and fix my ponytail from the night before. It still looks bad but not as bad.

I start to work on my makeup and the doorbell rings.

Crap. He's here early.

I still haven't blended in my foundation and it looks awful and splotchy. I run to the door not wanting to keep him waiting, but at the same time I don't want him to see my looking like this.

I answer the door.

Crap crap crap crap. I look so ugly. My face is awful. He probably thinks I'm so weird. I'm so fat and worthless and he so attractive and why did I even invite him ov-

"Well, don't you look cute?" He says with only the slightest bit of sarcasm in his voice. He smiles and walks in.

I laugh. "You can sit on the couch." I say walking away. "I'll be right back!"

I run back and finish my makeup, then I come back out and sit on the couch.

"Hey!" He says.

"Hey." I reply.

"So what do ya wanna do?" He asks.

I laugh. "Well you wanted to come over!"

"Uhh we could order a pizza?" He suggests.

I cringe. "Ehh, maybe later..." I hate pizza.

We end up going to the theatre room and we decided to watch a movie. It was far too awkward sitting on the couch with a lot of space in between us. I feel awkward. But he's so attractive. I don't want him to turn out an awful person like every other guy I know. He's actually nice.

We watched the Avengers that first day. Almost every day after that Josiah would come over and we would watch a movie in the theatre room. We got really close.

I thought that I might've been catching feelings for him. But I would never admit it.