flower crowns // l.s.

16½

Louis grumbled some unhappy words as he looked through at all the types of cereal. There was the off-brand kind that was cheaper than the cereal he liked, but he didn't know if the off-brand Cinnamon Toast Crunch was just as good as the first. Considering Louis wasn't the best cook, this would be what he would eat all the time. It was a big deal. Save money and maybe get good cereal or use the money and get great cereal? He was huffing, holding up both boxes of cereal and trying to make a decision.

"Ugh, trying to choose cereal again?"

Louis froze. A shiver went down his spine as he stared wide-eyed at the cereal in his hands, hoping that it wasn't who he thought it was. But of course it was—he could recognize that voice anywhere. That stupid Irish voice that once told him he was perfect and beautiful and amazing—the same one that told him he was annoying and ugly and too feminine. Maybe if he ignored Matt, he would keep on walking.

"Did you hear me?" He stepped closer to Louis. "Don't tell me you've gone deaf, now."

Louis frowned, but then realized that he could say what he wanted. He wasn't going to hold back his words like he did when they were in a relationship. He's not feminine; he's manly and strong. Louis turned and rolled his eyes, lowering the cereal to his sides. "What do you want?"

Matt smirked, brown eyes staring right at Louis' blue ones. "Can't talk to you anymore?"

"No, in fact. You cannot."

Matt looked caught off-guard by how stern Louis was being. "Did your balls finally drop? 'Bout time."

Louis felt his face go hot with anger. "I don't have time for this," he grumbled, deciding to go with Cinnamon Toast Crunch. He tossed the other box carelessly on the shelf behind him and shoved Matt out of the way, trying to step past him. But then he grabbed his arm. Louis growled.

"Rushing off to your new toy, are you?" Matt leaned forward. Louis felt his hot breath against his ear and tried to get out of Matt's firm hold. "Bet he doesn't even know what you did, you pathetic whore. It's only a matter of time before he finds out and ditches your ass. After all, no one really wants to be with such a useless boy."

Louis, shaking with anger, turned around and slapped Matt. He was shocked and loosened his grip on Louis, so he took the chance to pull his arm free and take a step away from him. "He's not you. He actually has a heart, unlike you, you incompetent dickhead." He felt pleased when Matt looked truly offended, and then stomped off with his cereal in hand. He didn't want to think about Matt and his words, knew if he did he would believe him. He doesn't want to believe him.

+ + +

Louis wasn't sure what he was doing when he found himself at Harry's (and Liam's and Niall's) door. He would've talked to Zayn, would have definitely gone to him, but he said Madeline had made plans with him tonight. Louis had noticed the two of them hanging out often, but he didn't think much of it. Just two friends hanging out, like they normally did. He just gets upset when his best friend isn't there for him when he needs him. It's not like he expects Zayn to drop what he's doing, but c'mon, it's just Madeline.

He knocked a few times, held his arm back, and when no one answered, he knocked again. He didn't know if it was urgent or not. (Zayn often said that when he had his bad thoughts that he should talk to someone he trusts, and he trusts Harry and believes what Zayn says about talking to someone. So here he is, wanting to talk. He doesn't want to be the old Louis and shut people out.)

Liam opened the door and looked at Louis with furrowed brows. "Louis?" Liam pushed the door all the way open and motioned for Louis to come inside with his head. "What're you doing here?"

The door shut behind Louis and he looked around, anxious. "Is Harry here?"

Liam crossed his arms and shook his head. "No, he's out with his sister before she heads off. Why? Is something wrong?"

Louis frowned and headed for the door. "No, no. I'll just go."

Liam grabbed his arm and was oblivious to the way Louis flinched away. "Hey, no. You came all this way, you can just stay until he gets back. It won't be too long, now. And we've got takeaway, do you want any?" Liam started to walk over to the kitchen and then sighed. "That is if NIALL hasn't eaten it all," he said with a shout of Niall's name.

Louis laughed through his nose and followed Liam with crossed arms, trying to push the feeling of awkwardness away. "I'm not hungry, but thanks."

Niall, who was leaning against the counter with Chinese food in his hand, looked over at Louis with squinted eyes. "Lou, you seem blue. Blue Lou." Niall snorted at his rhyme, but groaned when Liam elbowed him.

Was it that obvious? He scratched the back of his neck. "I—no. I'm fine." He looked at Liam. "When will Harry be here?"

Liam pulled out his phone and moved his thumb up and down the screen, and then looked over at Louis. "He said around ten thirty, so about forty-five minutes from now, I suppose. Do you . . . is this important? Does he know you're here?"

Louis huffed and ran a hand through his hair, uncomfortable with the eyes on him. He flushed and then huffed, because he doesn't like feeling vulnerable and small like this. "He doesn't," he quietly said, placing a hand on the chair in front of him. "It's not important, it's . . . silly. Yeah. Silly. I think I'll go, though. Tell him I was here, yeah?"

Liam stared at Louis with a soft gaze, brows only slightly furrowed. His lips parted, about to say something, but then he glanced at Niall and shut his mouth. With a nod, Liam walked Louis back to the door. Louis was glad that Liam didn't get curious and start asking questions. He could just walk out and not have to deal with anything. He thinks he's fine. He hopes he'll be okay on his own.

"Louis," Liam quietly said.

Louis huffed and leaned back against the door with a bored expression. "What?"

"Are you sure nothing's wrong?"

He laughed and put on a smile. "Yes! Positive, mate." He turned to grab the door handle before Liam could question him again, and as he opened the door, he stopped. "Uh, maybe you shouldn't tell Harry I was here. I know he'll just come looking for me and it's getting too late for him to do that." Leaning against the open door, he faced Liam. "Can you just . . . forget what I said about telling him I was here?" There was a hesitant look on Liam's face that made him roll his eyes. "I'll text him, okay? See you, and don't tell Harry!" Louis shouted as he shut the door and started to walk away.

A feeling suddenly hit him as he was walking out of the building alone. Liam has Niall. Harry has Ed, his sister, and his two best friends. Zayn has Madeline. Do any of them really need a problematic twenty-four year old to deal with? If this was a story, what would he be? If he isn't at least an antagonist, then what is he? Louis supposes none of them need a useless character in this story of theirs, and decides to back off for good. Pushing others away is what he's good at, and he knows, at the end of all of this, he'll only be alone anyway, so what better way to cope than to have been alone already? To live a life without needing anyone but himself?