as i walk down the school hallway on the cold, raining monday morning i start to feel sick. what if they see the scars, cuts and grazes? or the bruises? or even the emotional damage the weekends events had created. i see my friends up ahead. quickly abbey, pull yourself together and breathe. dont cry. crying in public is a sign of weakness. but no matter how much pep talk i give myself, its not enough. it never is. i quickly wipe some of the free falling tears from my cheeks with my sleeves. "hey guys" i say, my voice breaking slightly. "hey abb..omg what the fuck happened to you!?" shayle questions. "its n-nothing" i stammer. "no its fucking not. black eyes and massive cuts all over your legs, face, torso and arms are not just nothing!" sophie yells, placing a hand gently on my sholder, i flinch slightly, remembering there is a bruise there. sophie quickly takes her hand away, looking embarresed. "abbey tell me now, before i get seriously fucking angry" shannon demands. i guess i should tell them right? its the right thing to do, considering they have no idea about the accident."well... its been a rainy weekend, you guys know that right? well it was on the saturday night and me and niall were driving home together after out monthly movie date. anyway, the roads were slippery and icey because the snow was on its way. he was driving.. and the car went tumbuling off the road and down a steep hill, crashing into a tree at the bottom" i finish of saying, tears breaking to the surface again. "ohmygod abbey!? why the hell didnt we find out till today, why didnt you tell us!? shayle says in a worrying tone. "wait what happened to niall?" shannon asks. this is the hardest bit. the bit that i cry about the most. the one i feel so traumatised and hate myself over. "h-he is i-in a coma" i stutter out, and the girls just stand there, shocked. "he got the worst impact and fell into a coma, and here i am... barely injured." and thats when the water works finally came. i slam my back into the concrete wall and slide down it. i sit on the floor, my arms wrapped around my sore legs, and just cried. i cried and cried and cried, then cursed the world. why couldnt it be me in that coma, instead of niall? the boy that had to leave for a world tour in a few weeks. the boy in the internationally famous boy band, one direction. he had his career, he has his whole life planned out. milloins of fans etc. etc. and he was the one in the coma? the worst things in life come free to the best people i guess. the girls sat down next to me, cuddling me. they were also crying now. they were really close to niall, and now that he is.. i cant even say it in my head, it hurts that bad. my boyfriend was the most amazing, beautiful, kind hearted person on the planet. why him!? we were starting to make a scene now, with people crowding around the hallway, wonering what was wrong. eventially i couldnt handle the looks i was being given, so i got up and went to class. in third period tho, my name was called over the loud preaker. i had to go to reception because someone was waiting for me. turns out, it was nialls mother. "maura?" i ask, stunned. what was she doing here? me and here were realy close, and she loved me like a daughter. "come here baby. i have to tell you something" she says, her voice weak. she looked tired, with bags under her eyes. i doubt she had slept all weekend. "tell me, maura. is it bad?" i ask worriedly. "no, its just im here to tell you some advice. i know you really loved my son, abbey. i could see it in your eyes, they way the sparkeled whenever he was around er when someone even mentioned his name. and he loved you aswel, more than you could imagine ever possible. only he and i knew about your childhood, the horrible past you lived. but only he knew about you self esteem issues. about the hate, and the self harm. and im scared, that you will start it all again. that you will cut, do drugs, and bad things, leading you down a bad path. abbey, promise me you wont give up." she says, tears in her eyes. " i promise maura, i wont ever do them ever again" i struggle to say, because this is a promise i could end up breaking. "thats not all abbey. the doctors said if he ever wakes up, he wont remember anything. he wont remember you, one direction, or anything that happend after the age of 10. im really sorry abbey, but im here to tell you to move on. go do great things. i know you 2 had plans to move to LA, for you to become famouse, make millions with music and acting. then settle down, and have a family. why not do it anyway? with out him? one direction will continue going without niall, and they have gotten you a record deall in LA, to help you get through the grief. take it abbey. take the chance, and forget my son. move on and do great things. you are stronger than you may think. and if.. no WHEN you take the deal up, i promise i will come over and visit, and keep in touch with you allways. no go and sing.. make your dreams come true. its what niall would of wanted" maura says, giving me one last hug before wiping away her tears and exiting the schools receptions office. well. i dont even know what to say, or think. a record deal, in LA? but without niall there it seems so.. pointless. but im going to do it. im going to do it for niall, and for maura. i will start a new life. and eventially get over im. i will always love him, but maura is right. he wont remember, so whats the point? all those memories, only left in my head. i sigh and tighten my backpack straps, and head out the door. its time, i can feel it.
