Thoughts of a Mad heart

FEELING inside a DREAM

DREAM- Jan 14, 2016

at first i was dreaming of Yuu chasing after Mikaela, through a passage.

i didn't know where it led at that time, but at that moment i know that i was dreaming. it was fine with me because it seems realistic and fun to watch

but funny thing happen, at the middle of my dream, i became Yuu, instead watching from the outside.

the passage that they/ me and Mikaela was running through was a tunnel going to Hell- or that was they we're calling it. Few of my colleges in black and green uniform of the squad i am in was also chasing after other persons that are dressed same as Mikaela.

like their nature in the anime, we are soldiers and they are vampires. as i was playing as Yuu in my dream, i was not a male soldier hence i was a female, a girl. Chasing after my childhood friend/family.

we passed series of obstacles and challenges as we continue our chase, i don't know happened with some of them, but as we reach what feels like an never ending tunnel we reached a giant door. what is more surprising is that i am the only soldier left. they are few vampires who survived but my focused was solely on Mikaela. at that time i felt the longing in my heart, i feels like, i was relieved of seeing him again. i don't why i felt that way, because in the first place, i am not really Yuu, nor i have a past with Mikaela that is an anime character. it didn't matter anyway, i was past the threshold of deserting what's a dream from what is my true reality.

Mikaela seemed to be focused on me too, when he and the other vampires was about to open the door of Hell, Mikaela, looked at me and gave me a sad small smile, like telling me "i'm glad to see you, but i can't stay" that broke my heart. realization hit me big time. I loved him too much to see him go. and i vowed to following anywhere so that we can't be separated again, because i can't afford to loose him again.

on the next part of my dream, i went to the door of hell once more, maybe i didn't manage to go through it last time. this time though i went alone. i destroyed the door making it permanently open. there was a hole going down, and from where i'm standing i can see a river like flow of hot lava and endless tunnels. nonetheless, i dive-in. landed on a rock and run towards a light, by jumping from one platform to another. i was successful in my pursuit as i came through that hole where the light coming from, i was greeted with various forms of demons, monsters that can make any children cry for mother.

i saw him though, talking to another monster after monster, sometimes with his fellow vampires. after a few second, he saw me, and then all of them saw me. they smiled. which creep me out at first. but when Mikaela ran to me to approached me, i was so happy that i also ran towards him to meet him again, and hug him. And I did, i embraced him to tight that i was planning on never letting go.

we faced each other after that emotional reunion and saw a tear escaped his eyes, and i hug him tight again, afraid that if i break the moment he'll be gone and away from me. but he didn't i got my best friend again, i was whole again.

as my dream progress, i was feeling emotion that i know i shouldn't feel because at the very least they we're not mine, nor should i have any reason to feel them. But those emotions we're real. The excitement, the longing, the relief, the gladness, the fear, the love i felt at that time, was more real that i could remember every feeling when i'm awake. in that dream i could feel more and for a the moment, that was reality.

the next part was Mikael telling me that i can't stay in Hell. I was sadden by this, i ask him how can i stay. He explained to me that human soul will die if they ever continue to be exposed in Hell. I was willing to die and live with him in hell if that is what i take to stay by his side. and besides hell is not so bad, in fact, it looks like a paradise, trees, green grass, healthy meadow, and surrounded by rain forest it like an enchanted kingdom far from what my first impression of it, aside from the lava river on in its entrance.