Thoughts of a Mad heart

Love: Unforgotten

What I'm about to say may seem ridiculous.  For years this is the truth.

I am inlove.

He's a fine gentleman if i say so myself. He has a noble soul and a kind heart. But he's merciless. He plays with the people around him and will do anything to do his duty.

Kinda inconsistent isn't he? He's a perfect example of a person who is bad and good at the same time. Ultimately he's a force to be reckon with.

I met him when  i was in my 3rd year of High School (Grade 9 in the k-12 curriculum). Ever since i did, i think i already fell inlove with him. Of course as young as i was, i didn't know i did. I thought it was a simple admiration. Him being as he is, one cannot but help to like him. Just him smiling will draw you near.

Now i see people around me fall inlove. be part of a relationship and such. And in moments of weakness and loneliness i once imagined a life without him. I was foolish. i will never escape him.

I cannot love anyone as much as i love him. I would follow him to the ends of the world and all that sappy romantic attics that today's people believe if only i could. but you see...

I fell inlove with someone who never exited in the first place. His name is Ciel Phantomhive, Lord Earl of the House of Phantomhives, aid to her majesty, the Queen Elizabeth, the first of his name. Thats how the people of London knew him. He has another though, a name that keeps the underworld of London to its knees, a king of his own realm and games, undefeated by his foes and feared by all who disgrace the royal family, he's the Queen's watch dog, Lord of the underworld London.

Such high position was never meant to a peasant like me, even if he ever existed.

Living in the reality i have now, i seek his shadows. Any part of him that might be existing today. every day i yearn for his michievous grins, his snarky attitude his arrogant stance and his i-do-what-i-want-to-because-i-want aura that captured me in the first place.

I miss my noble man. Every month it pains me to wait for a 20 page update of his manga. And when it does updates, no words can describe how i feel everytime. But its not enough. I need him. Alive, breathing and real.

Can i find him here? Now? In this reality?

Or will he be forever in my fictional world?

Were are you my love?