My Life with O2L

chapter five

The next morning I wake up next to Trevor who is snoring. I grab a pillow and throw it at him. He wakes up. I throw another one at him.
"Why did you do that?!" He says.
I shrug.
"You were snoring loud." I shrug once again.
He chuckles and sits up. Kian comes in the room with Sam and sits down on the bed. Connor comes in as well a few minutes later and sits down on the floor.
I jump on Connor and sit on his lap. Connor laughs and looks at my wrist then looks away getting serious. Jc walks in, sitting on the floor. Usual shit.
"Belladonna?" Connor asks.
"Yeah?" I reply.
"Why did you do it?.. you know the first time you um self harmed.." he asks me. I look at him. I never actually told any of the boys why I cut to begin with in the past.
Flashbacks of my past come to my mind.

-flashback-

"You fucking loser. No wonder why your father killed your mom and almost killed you." The cheerleader captain says to me. I accidentally dropped my juice on her in the lunch room. It was truly an accident.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" I mumble. She cuts me off and stands up pushing to me the ground. One of her friends looks at me.
"You might as well kill yourself. No one in this school even likes you. You freak." She says.
I start to tear up. I run to the bathroom and lock myself in a stall. I start to look in my book bag and take out my sharpener. I grab a pen as well from my book bag and start to unscrew the screw on the sharpener. I remove the razor blade from it and put it to my wrist. I'm worthless I think to myself. Even my foster parents didn't want me. I press the blade deep into my wrist, wincing at the pain but continuing to dig it in. I make two slices and I start to bleed a lot. I wrap some toilet paper on my wrist and cry. I'm such a weak fuck.

-flashback over-

"Um.. well." I try to spit the words out. Kian looks at me. I start to play with Connor's hair nervously.
"It was my senior year in high school.. my first cut I ever made was in the bathroom stall at school." I look down.
"I got bullied constantly. Mainly because in my old town everyone knew me.. as the girl who's father killed her mother and tried to kill her as well." I say.
"Your father did that?" Sam asks with a sad expression.

"Yeah.. my father was abusive towards my mom and I since I was was a kid. Until one day he snapped.. he thought my mom was cheating on him. He grabbed the kitchen knife and stabbed her twice in the stomach. I was standing there. He then looked at me and said 'you might as well die too' he grabbed me by my little neck and pushed the knife into my lower stomach.. the cops barged in before he could continue anything.." I tear up as I say the story. Connor looks at me with tears in his eyes. Kian as well.
I lift up my shirt showing my knife wound scar.
"That's so.. horrible." Trevor speaks up. Connor hugs me, Trevor gets out of the bed and does the same. Next thing you know everyone in the room is hugging me as I bawl my eyes out. It's been years since I said the story to anyone.

"Alright guys let's change the subject." Jc says. We all agree.
"Make breakfast someone. Ricky! Where's Ricky? Get Ricky." I say laughing. Sam runs out of the room to get him. Ricky walks in.
"Ricky make us breakfast please." I say.
"Okay. I need to get some stuff from the supermarket though." He says.
"I'll come with you." Sam says.
"Connor come with us as well." Ricky says. Connor nods.
"Tyler and Troye are sleeping?" I ask.
"Like babies." Ricky says chuckling.
They leave to go to the supermarket and I'm in the room with Trevor, Kian and Jc.
Kian looks at me, he grabs my hand and leads me out of the room.
"What's up?" I ask confused a little.
"Just.. can we just.. fuck it-" he cuts himself off and cups the back of my head, kissing me with so much passion. He pushes me up against the wall still kissing me. Our tongues dance in each others mouths. He releases his lips from mine and looks at me smiling. He uses one hand to rub my cheek.
"Why did you do that?" I ask. Kian and I actually kissed.. and I liked it.. a lot.
"I've been dying to do that for a very long time now." He kisses me again gently, I kiss back.