Emotions (g.d)

8

We hung out the whole afternoon. We talked about so many things.

"You know I missed spending this much time with you. It feels like just the good old days", I said remembering all of the good memories I had with Stella.

"Yeah... We should definitely do this more often. Just hang out and talk", she responded with a smile.

"Any new texts from Gray?", she asked.

"Yes, 3 more. This is the 58th message he leaves me without counting the amount of times he called."

"I don't think you should be doing this to him. Just because you like him, it doesn't mean he is gonna stop caring about you. Yous literally spend every single day together. It's normal for you to fall in love with him. What isn't normal is you doing this to him. He doesn't deserve this. C'mon give him a call and just tell him you had your phone off", Stella recommended.

She's right. He doesn't deserve these. He must be so worried.

I decided to call him.

"Oh thank God you picked up! Are you okay? Where are you?"

He sounded so concerned.

"Yeah, calm down. I'm fine. My phone died and I only had the chance to charge it now", I said coldly.

"Is something wrong?".

"No, I already told you what happened. I'm fine. Talk to you later", I said hanging up.

Stella looked at me shocked.

"What?", I said angrily.

"Did you just realize how rude you were with him? He was shitting himself thinking something happened to you and you react like that? ", Stella said still in shock.

I took a minute to think about what she had just said to me. And again, she was right. The only thing Gray wanted to know was if I was fine. He cares about me. And I, the stupid person I am, act like this.

"I know I shouldn't have talk to him that way...".

"Then why did you do it?"

"I don't fucking know Stella. I'm just mad at myself for falling in love with him. I'm fucking upset for not knowing how to handle my feelings for him. That's why".

She didn't say anything. She knew I was gonna burst into tears. And it happened.

I started crying my eyes off and she just held me in her arms.

"You're gonna be fine. Don't worry", she said trying to calm me down.

"You have no clue how hard this is. He is like my best friend. I can't afford to lose him. He was the only guy friend I could get undressed in front of without feeling weird.Or have my crazy phases where I start to sing and sound like a freaking chicken. I can't lose that. I can't lose him..."

She didn't know what to say. She wiped off the tears in my face and said:

"Look. I know it's hard but I promise you that you are making this look worse than it actually is. C'mon girl! You always told me you would never cry for a boy. And he is a sweetheart. He isn't gonna hurt you if you tell him. He might even like you back, who knows?  But if you're that scared to lose his friendship just stay friends with him. The feelings for him will eventually start fading with the time just the way they faded with Jack".

Jack was my ex-crush. We talked a long time and I used to have feelings for him. I told him I liked him and he completely shattered my heart. It took me months, even a year, to get over him. 

I was willing to forget about my feelings for Gray and focusing on other things. Like keeping our friendship as tight as it was before I found out I had feelings for him. 

But I have this quote in my head that won't stop repeating itself:
Real feelings just don't "go away"...