Strangers

my little gummy bear

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It was cold in the thin sheets. Harry and I were in his small mattress, he had his arm in his eyes, another in my back. God I'm so sore. My phone managed to wake me, it was Gianna.

Gianna:

Should I be worried that you're not home? If you don't text me right now I'm going to call a search rescue.

I groaned, squinting my eyes with all the brightness in my phone.

My clothes were scattered around the room as I got dressed. Harry was sleeping, not acknowledging my leave.

Me:

I'll be there in a few.

Before I left, I took a good look to Harry. I slouched, bit my lips, and bound myself not to look back.

It was freezing when I got out. I cannot believe what I just did there.

I tied my hair up, just when the yellow car stopped by the road. I sat next to the window as I looked outside the window in thought. I absentmindedly told the directions. What the hell did I do? I got laid. Why? I don't freaking know myself. I felt cowardly for just leaving without saying goodbye. I just wasn't ready to face whatever happened.
My hands were fiddling with the keys as the door just opened. Gianna smiled widely.

"Take a seat." She said excitedly.

"Gianna; I honestly just want to sleep. I'm tired." And had a killer headache.

"Come on I waited 'til two in the morning for this!"

"We ate. We drank. We fücked. That's it." I sighed, yawning. "Happy?" I yawned again, taking my shoes off.

"Oh my God. Vienna de Leon had a one night stand? Is this even real?" She stared agape, as I rolled my eyes.

"Is that so hard to believe? Goodnight." I said, going to my room and shut the door. I'll worry later. I just need some sleep right now.

• • •

I let the hot water stream in my skin, my muscles relaxing. Pressing soap in my shoulders, down to my stomach. I washed everywhere, feeling like the soap wasn't going to cut my sin; my dirtiness. I felt disgusted at myself. How my mind clouded so that I let myself do what I did.

I blamed my lips that grazed his ever so feverish. How my hands warmed at his touch. How I opened my legs just to prove to my ego I can still get it. To prove to my heart that I'm not Joshua's. To prove that I belong to no one now, and I was capable of intimacy in that way.

No amount of alcohol could string me of this daze. Of someone so unknown waking inside of me. A type of beast. A type of goddess ripping away from the skin that was once me. And I liked it. I liked feeling in control of myself. With no strings attached to my back anymore. With no leash in my neck.

I turned off the water with the cue of my phone ringing loudly in the other room. I wrapped a towel around me and checked to see who it was.

3 missed calls from Mamá. One voicemail.