The Journal

Chapter: 10- The Fourth Entry

Chapter: 10- The Fourth Entry

Thursday, December 11, 20**

School was still the same, I had my meetings with Mr. Creeps, I went to classes, I still didn't talk to Pierce. But it was tiring. Walking out of the side doors of the school, I shivered and pulled my thin hoodie tighter around my body as I walked out into the chilly December air. When it was this cold I should've remembered to wear my bigger, more insulated winter jacket instead of the hoodie, but I guess I wasn't exactly thinking much lately.

Walking across the street I began the long trek down the road and to my house.

*******

After dinner I went into my room, slamming my door. Nathan was being such an a...a...a**hole and I couldn't help storming around the room.

Why does he even think he can tell me what to do?! He is not my father and never will be so he should stop acting like it.

Since I was feeling so mad in a rage I picked up my diary going over to my desk. Sitting down I pulled a pen from one of the desk drawers and began to write,

December 11, 20**

Dear journal,

Some of the people around me make it worst for me to get over the things that have happened to me and be in peace. I know I've only been on this planet for seven-teen years but I can confidently say I know what it feels like to hate and I most definitely know that I hate those people with all of my heart. Though I know I shouldn't feel this way I can't seem to stop the rage that fills me when I see that person. I won't mention their name, but if you read my previous entries I'm sure you could come up with a very good guess of who I am talking about. Some people say love is the best emotion you could ever feel in your life but with this person I am glad to say the only thing I feel is hate. When he talks to me I feel hate. When he looks at me I feel hate, and most of all when he tries to use his "authority" and "position" over me I feel hate. I didn't even know there were different levels of hate until I met him and then I realized that my hate for him was off the chart. But enough with that, there is also something that has happened. Since I was failing my class and got Pierce as my tutor I talked Mr. Creeps into letting me come earlier for meetings so as not to miss my class. Guess what happened next? Pierce was assigned as the 'watch dog' to make sure nothing happens to me when I go to those meetings. I mean honestly I am glad that he comes because Mr. Creeps gives me, well the creeps but I am also hesitant about the whole thing, I don't want to make Pierce madder by having him use his free time on me. He already does that too much.

JE: #4, Zoey

Finishing the rather short entry I closed the journal and threw it back in my bag. I was still rather tense so I decided to take a shower, hoping the water would calm me. Grabbing my pajamas and a towel I entered my bathroom, slamming that door behind me as well.

*****

Wiping the mirror from the steam I took in my reflection. I looked tired, worn out and like crap. Sighing my thoughts again drifted to that horrible father of a man. I wasn't shocked when I felt tears brim my eyes, but I wouldn't shed them, not over a man like him. There were always times like these that I couldn't help but think that I wished my real father was still here.

The man who comforted me, cared for me, and loved me so much, instead of the worthless, lazy, and selfish man who instead decided to take his place. My father had saved my life and lost his over me, thinking over this it felt like the skin under my pajama shirt was scorching.

Lifting the edge of the shirt to just above my belly button I turned to the side, looking at the scar that went from just underneath my arm down my side and slightly curved just above my hip. The scar was pink, probably from all the hot water that'd been beating down on me and looking at it pained me. Looking at it reminded me of the things I wanted to forget yet they still haunted me.

Then at that moment I did something I thought I would never do again, something I thought myself to empty and broken to do. I let go of my shirt, and instead tightly held onto the end of the sink and I cried.

**********

Friday, December 12, 20**

I wasn't really fine at all. I needed to pay attention, get my head wrapped around what exactly I was supposed to be doing. Sitting in my second class I pulled out my notebook, only to freeze when I realized it was my journal instead.

Setting it down on the desk I pulled out my notebook, and a pencil. I needed to focus, but the previous days flashed back to me, how could I have a breakdown in the bathroom? Shaking my head I began to take notes but couldn't really focus on that so I turned to looking around the room.

Mrs. Barns was at the front of the class occasionally writing notes as she went on and on about some book report we had due at the end of the month. The students were all in front of me sitting in rows, eyes focused ahead at the board, or down at their laps probably on their cellphones.

As for Pierce he was still sitting beside me but we weren't talking or even looking at each other. The only thing I could coherently think at the time was that he sure could hold a grudge. The slight amusement in thinking that left as soon as it came and I once more looked down at my notebook, letting my hair cover my face completely as I gave up on taking notes and immersed myself completely in my thoughts.

******

When the bell rang I quickly jumped up pushing my notebook in my bag and pocketing the pencil. Rushing out of the classroom I blended in with the students in the hall as I headed to my third class. I didn't even notice or remember that I'd left my journal on my second class' desk, and at that exact moment a hand reached for it, opening the cover and looking at the name and numbers printed there.