The Journal

Chapter: 11- Gone

Chapter: 11- Gone

Friday, December 12, 20**

Have you ever had the feeling that you were forgetting something? Like something really important but you just can't figure out what it is that you've forgotten?

Well I do and I couldn't wrap my mind around what exactly I could've been missing. After I'd gotten back from school I seemed strangely stressed, like something bad had happened.

Sighing as I slung my backpack down on the floor next to my bed, I laid down. What was it I was missing?

Covering my eyes with my arm I tried to relax, I mean nothing that bad could've happened, right? Breathing out slowly I lifted my arm from my eyes and let it hang off my bed.

Since my book bag was still near, as I lowered my arm, it accidentally hit my bag. Surprised at the unexpected feeling of the rough fabric brushing my arm I jumped,rising in my bed to see what I had touched.

Looking down at the black bag I sighed.

I really was worked up over nothing.

Leaning my head against the wall I looked over at my desk, thinking about the days I had in store for me.

I had two meetings, one with a tutor who was ignoring me and the other, a therapist who wanted me to talk about my feelings. How exactly did my life turn into such a mess?!

But thinking about Mrs. Green reminded me that I still needed to write a journal entry that she could read. Climbing over my bed, I sat down on the floor in front of my book bag. Unzipping it I reached in, trying to find my journal.

Yet I couldn't find it. Confused I brought the bag closer to my face, thinking I had simply passed over it from not seeing much in my dimly lit room. Rummaging around my notebooks I was again shocked when I didn't find it again.

As I got up to turn my room light on, I could vaguely feel the beginnings of panic shoot through my system, but I told myself to be calm as I hadn't truly ruled out that it wasn't still in my bag. Sitting back down on the floor, I picked the bag up, turning it upside down as I watched the stuff in it fall out.

Throwing the empty bag somewhere, I began going through the small mountain of school supplies. Yet as I picked the books and stuff up my nerves were round too tight and I was slightly shaking. Its gotta be in here, it just has too! Knowing I couldn't possibly go through the pile without calming myself a little I closed my eyes, trying to get my thoughts in order.

Taking a deep breath I tried to calm myself down. Calm, I am calm, and relaxed, and happy, now I just need to find that journal! Opening my eyes once more I saw I wasn't shaking as badly as before, so I picked up a random notebook. It was yellow, thin and was most likely empty of anything yet I still flipped it open, trying to see if my journal had somehow magically turned flat, and slipped through the pages of the book.

Knowing I wasn't going to likely find anything in the book, I still felt a little disappointed when nothing was in the notebook, as I set it down in the beginnings of another pile. Picking up another notebook I pretty much repeated the same process and after that I started all over again.

When I'd finished with all the notebooks, I started on the big textbooks I had for math and history classes. My nerves were tightening again as I could see that I was nearing the last few items of my bag and I still couldn't locate the journal. When I had too finished the textbooks, real worry had began to set in when I still had nothing turn up.

I knew that I probably didn't have my journal and that one of my worst fears about having it was actually coming true. It was like the day I had agreed to do this came back to me and the words were repeating over and over in my head.