I Don't Want To Be Your Secret (Josh McClorey & Pete O'Hanlon/The Strypes)

Chapter 13

Josh's P.O.V

A week later I made my way to the hospital to see what was happening with Amy. The doctors were turning the ventilator off this morning to see if she would breathe on her own. Estelle was already there with Amy's mum. I stood outside and watched what was happening. After a few attempts I watched as Estelle burst into tears. Then she picked up her phone and spoke to someone. I rested my hand on the door handle before opening the door.

"Hello." I said, standing awkwardly.

"Hello." Estelle said.

"You both look tired, why don't you go and get a cup of tea and get some rest?" I suggested.

"I don't want to leave her..." Estelle mumbled.

"Come on love. You look tired." Amy's mum said standing up. Estelle stayed quiet, nodding before standing up.

"I'll stay with Amy." I said as Amy's mum smiled.

"Thank you..."

"Josh." I said.

"Thank you Josh." She smiled leaving while Estelle followed. I sat in the chair beside Amy's bed holding her hand.

I'd been there an hour when something happened. I sat up as the doctors all ran in surrounding her bed.

"What's happening?" I asked, looking up at them.

"Her heart rate is rising rapidly." One of them said.

"Is that bad?!" I said worried.

"We're not sure yet." Another said. I sat looking forward as they started injecting her with different things to try and calm her down. Suddenly I felt her squeezing my hand before watching her eyes shoot open and her breathing get heavier.

"Amy!" I gasped, leaning forward.

"Deep breaths Amy." One of the doctors said trying to calmer her down. Her eyes were wide as if she was scared, then again who could blame her. "Amy... In and out."

"It's okay." I smiled, holding her hand. "Just calm down." She looked at me and finally managed to steady her breathing.

"Well done." A nurse said, checking Amy. "I'll leave you to it." The nurse smiled leaving the room. Me and Amy were in complete silence. She was laying looking at me as I looked at my feet still holding her hand. Eventually I spoke up.

"This is all my fault." I said, looking up. "I'm sorry." Amy said nothing but just shook her head. "It is Amy..." I sighed. She shook her head again before managing to sit herself up. She stayed quiet as we both sat there. I got us both a cup of water which she sat sipping quietly. "I feel so bad... I want to make it up to you." I said finally. Amy just sat looking at me, blinking. "Please say something..."

"Amy?" I heard Estelle say. Amy smiled before Estelle ran over and gave her a light hug. "Are you okay?" She asked. Amy just nodded before sipping her water again.

"She hasn't said anything since she woke up." I said, smiling weakly at Amy.

"Oh okay." Estelle said.

"I'll leave you both to it." I smiled leaving the room.

"Josh?" Estelle said.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for staying with her." She smiled.

"No problem." I smiled closing the door behind me.

I went home and immediately picked up my guitar. I was bored and had nothing else to do. I felt guilty and I was tired as I hadn't slept. The lads kept texting asking me to hang out and practice music and all that. I wasn't in the mood. I just wanted to stay in my room all day. I laid back on my bed with my guitar on my chest just plucking hopelessly at the strings. I needed to go back to the hospital and try and get her to talk but I didn't want to make things worse.

In the end I went for a walk to take my mind off of everything. I walked through the forest and bumped into Pete taking photos.

"Oh hey Josh." He smiled turning round and accidently talking talking a picture of me. "Oops sorry."

"It's okay." I laughed. "What are you doing here?"

"Working on my assignment. I can't be arsed to stay after school for detention cause I haven't handed it in." He explained.

"Fair enough." I said, tapping a stone with my foot.

"Why are you here?" He asked.

"Just clearing my head." I smiled.

"I get ya." Pete smiled.

"Do you?" I laughed.

"Maybe I dunno. I gotta at least try and sound like I know what's happening." He laughed.

"Yeah I suppose so." I said. "Anyway I'll leave you to it."

"Okay Josh. See ya tomorrow?" He asked.

"Yeah I'm sure you will." I smiled. "See ya Pete."

I wandered further into the forest, pulling my coat around me tighter as the wind picked up. All I could do was blame myself for what happened to Amy. I wanted to make her better, I at least wanted to make sure she was okay but I knew that wouldn't be a good idea with Estelle and all that. I guess I should try and stay away. That might be difficult seen as me and Amy are working together on our music assignment. I wasn't sure anymore. I just needed her better.

I went home and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl before heading back to my room. There wasn't anything I felt like doing so instead I finished my apple and had an early night.

A/N Sorry it's short! ~ Amy x