Vicarious

DISCLAIMER: This is Allison's POV to Vicarious by @LindsaySlobojan. I didn't keep up with her wonderful writing so if you want to read more of this story please check it out. I won't be finishing this as it has been five years, but I appreciate the support this received when I published it. If you don't mind reading an incomplete project, go right ahead.

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"Goodnight Allison don't stay up too late." My dad said as he shut the door behind him.

I wish I didn't have to. I had to write this ten page essay for US History about the impact the French Revolution had on the American Revolution and frankly I had no idea how one had to do with the other. If I didn't get at least an eighty percent I'd never get my grade back up. I sit at my desk with my notebook and pray that Google will be of some assistance.

Just as I find this amazing essay on the topic I hear knocking on my window. I quickly look over to see none other than Scott. I couldn't hold in a sigh as I looked down to my still empty notebook. I just really didn't need Scott to be stirring emotions in me when I had to focus on the paper due in two days.

Nonetheless I couldn't just ignore him so I walked over to the window and opened it to a slightly smiling Scott. I wish he wouldn't smile at me like that. It makes so much harder when he smiles at me. Seeing his smile makes me feel like I'm home. I never felt that before. Always moving I don't think I've ever truly felt that a place was a home rather than just another house I was passing through.  But there was something in his smile, when I looked into his eyes, when he held my hand... that made me feel like I finally had a home.

"Scott..." I sighed, "What are you doing here?" Although I knew I might regret this I let him in. Scott didn't exactly pop in my bedroom anymore at night so I figured it was important.

He stepped inside slowly as if I was going to change my mind. He kept his gaze on me as I went to close the door. Although my dad wasn't home closing the door made me feel a bit safer. I plopped into my bed and wondered what was wrong. He hadn't said a word and instead was pacing back and forth my room. I could tell whatever it was he was nervous about it because his hand was in the back of his head I guess like how he knows I'm lying when I touch my eyebrow. I've been trying to stop doing tha-

"I-I don't know. I just needed to see you, make sure you were okay.." He shrugged his shoulders but I could tell he was watching my reaction.

I couldn't hold in a little laugh, "Scott... I'm fine, just like I was not too long ago at school." I giggled thinking how adorable it was when Scott worried about  me.. even now. "Look, I don't think you should be here, go home, and get some rest. I can tell the full moon was hitting you hard."

Although I meant what I said I secretly wanted him to stay. Part of me said I should comfort him because he was obviously worked up about something and the other just wanted him to stay to have him near again.. like old times.

Scott stood in front of me and I could see he was thinking very hard about something. It looked like he was arguing with himself. I guess I wasn't the only one with mixed emotions. I don't think Scott was having a normal struggle within him though as he faced the wall resting his wall against it. I noticed his nails were growing longer and I instantly knew that he was shifting. Something was stopping him from controlling it.

"Scott?" Hesitantly I walked up to him hoping I could help him. I heard him growl as his breaths became deeper and more rapid. I reach my hand out to his shoulder hoping the touch will soothe him and instead he turned around and growled at me. I knew Scott wasn't really seeing me or thinking clearly but I couldn't help but be terrified as he turned around and beat on the wall with one hand pulling his hair with the other. This wasn't the Scott that I knew and that scared me most of all. I had to try and help him. If it was me he would stay and help me through it.

"Scott. Look at me." I turned him around slowly and smiled at him reassuring him I was here and I wasn't going anywhere. I wrapped my  arms tightly around Scott and whispered, "Scott, please calm down. Stop hurting yourself, please.'

I immediately saw a change in Scott. My voice pulled him out of it. I smiled to myself not quite knowing how I felt about still being Scott's anchor. His breaths slowed and we stood there in our embrace neither of us willing to let go. Scott's breath is warm against my neck and I feel him lean closer. I know he's about to kiss my neck and although I wanted nothing more I knew I shouldn't let him so I dodged his kiss shaking my head.

"Scott." I whispered not really knowing what to say. Should I admit that I wanted to press my lips to his and feel his love again but I was too afraid to be broken again? I just don't think I could risk loving Scott again.

Thankfully he stopped and I pulled away from him. "I'm so sorry... It was the moon I swear, I-"

I interrupted him as I sat on the bed patting the space next to me, "It's okay. Just tell me why you're really here. What's wrong?" 

I couldn't stop myself from reaching for his hand. Old habits die hard. We used to always hold hands during our talks. I used to always think that my hand was meant to hold his and I still thought it was true..

"Allison, I just wanted to make sure you were okay and I.." 

I never found out what he was going to say because at that moment having him near like this brought all the emotions I had tried to bury these past few months bubble to the surface. I leaned in and pressed my lips to his wanting to forget it all.