Vicarious

Tattoo

It had been so long since we had an actual conversation. Me and Scott talked about everything the other had missed. I told him about the past few months I spent in France telling him I wanted to go one day with him to Paris. It was the city of love after all. He was being his normal awkward self when he told me about his summer saying it wasn't nearly as glamorous as mine. He was being so cute when he told me about summer school and his promise to himself to try and be a better person. I didn't tell him but I frankly thought that was impossible. Scott was the most amazing person I've ever met and it always hurt me to see how harsh he is on himself. 

We were laying in bed the entire time giggling and smiling at each other's stories. I was tracing his chest like I always did but unlike the last time we had done this he had a tattoo. I move my hand to his arm tracing it around his arm. Ever since I saw it I loved it but being curious I wondered what sparked the urge to get it.

"You never told me what brought this Scott, what it means or why you even got it in the first place." I looked into his eyes as I spoke.

He paused before shaking his head and said, "It's not important," before grabbing my waist pulling me on top of him.

He kissed me and I gave in to the kiss. He was not getting out of telling me about the tattoo though. I enjoyed the kiss before I put my hands on the sides of his neck to pull out of the kiss giggling because he was just so Scott.

I smiled, "Yes it is."

"What makes you think that?" Scott whispered then started kissing my neck. The bastard was tryng to distract me. Focus Allison. Right the tattoo. I ran my fingers through his hair as he continued kissing my neck.

I giggled, "You wouldn't be trying to distract me if it wasn't."

He stopped kissing me and chuckled. I'm glad he realized I wasn't so easily fooled. I rolled over going back to where I was and laid there looking at him waiting for a response. I encouraged him by smiling at him and kissing his cheek. He grinned at me when I kissed him.

"Well.. it's just something I used to draw as a kid you know, two lines." 

I nodded it was such a Scott thing to do. He was always big on things from his childhood. I think it was because lately everything seemed to keep changing his life. He clung to any traditions or memory of his past before everything started changing.

"Okay, well. Why did you decide to get a tattoo of it?"

He sighed and look away as he slightly mumbled his words, "I got it for you. I mean as a kind of reward for giving you space I guess. I don't know."

He looked away obviously not wanting to see my reaction. I felt like such a terrible person. I had pushed away someone who absolutely loved me. I had done to him. I had made him not even text me to make sure I was okay.

I put my finger on his chin  and made him look at him. I shook my head still not believing I was to blame for the sadness in his eyes. I leaned in and gently pressed my lips to his cupping his face with my hands. I smiled on his lips because he had immediately kissed me back. I pulled back. No I shoudln't be smiling right now. Before I completely pulled away Scott quickly pecked my lips and I couldn't believe he'd want to kiss me after I hurt him.

All this time I stayed away from him because he had caused me so much hurt. I was so selfish. I was so caught up in my own feelings I didn't pause to think about how Scott felt. I had iced him out. Told him not to try and reach me. He probably spent the entire summer worrying about me. He couldn't make sure I was okay when I was in France. What if something would have happened to me? Scott would have been devastated.

Scott sat up in front of me, "Allison, are you okay?"

"No," I said softly. I wasn't okay. I was selfish. I hurt Scott. All he did was always do what was best for me and I had done what was best for myself not thinking about him.

"What's wrong?" I could feel the compassion I didn't deserve in his voice. I stared down at my hands not wanting to look into his eyes. I feel his hand on my cheek using his thumb to caress my cheek.

"Allison, please talk to me, look at me. You're really starting to scare me."

He had been honest with me so it was my turn. I couldn't look into his eyes still, "I'm sorry. For what I did to you, and making you feel so bad that you need to reward yourself for not talking to me. I-I-" I sighed knowing that there weren't words to express how sorry I felt, "I'm just so glad that you're here. I'm so glad you came Scott."

I was still looking down when he pulled me on to his lap. I looked up at him and see that he has a little smile on his face. I knew he was just trying to make me feel better. He slipped his hands under my shirt and his hands were warm as his fingers ran along my sides. 

He looks at me and pulls me into a tight embrace. I wrap my arms around him letting him try to comfort me. I dug my face into his neck giving him a little kiss where his neck met his shoulders. He ran his fingers through my hair and I began to relax in his embrace.

He put his lips next to my ear and whispered, "Me too."

Seconds later he kissed me on the cheek and I stayed in his hug for a long time. I thought about how much we had put each other through. Tonight we were finally apologizing for the hurt we had caused the person we both loved most. I knew we were going to hurt each other one day again. It was inevitable. But I knew one thing. I loved Scott McCall and I was going to stick by him no matter what we faced. I vowed this to myself and to Scott in my head.