Vicarious

Uncertain

What was I doing?! I couldn't just kiss Scott! Just as soon as I had my lips pressed to Scott's I pulled away and dashed towards the door. I couldn't think clearly I just needed to be alone and sort out everything going on in my head. I was about to open the door when Scott jumps in front of me shutting the door not allowing me to escape.

I would NOT look into his eyes. Those eyes were trouble and tonight proved that.

"Why did you do that?" Scott asked me even though I wouldn't look at him.

I honestly couldn't even explain it. One second I was calm and he was talking to me and the next I looked into his brown eyes and didn't even realize what I was doing until I was already kissing him.

"I don't know." I barely spoke above whisper. I couldn't handle this right now.

I heard him sigh and he lifted my chin with finger. Great now I had to look into his eyes. He looked annoyed with me. 

"Why did you do that?" 

"I don' t know!" I replied to him getting angry. Why couldn't he just understand that he couldn't always have a straight answer when it came to us?

"Allison..."

Damn him. Damn him to hell. He was speaking in the voice that could make me admit anything he wanted but there was nothing to admit I just got carried away.. I could try and try to push Scott away but I could never get rid of the spark that ignited within me when he was around me. That thought frustrated me. Why couldn't I just get over him?! He hurt me! Yet here I was absolutely out of mind because I was still in love with him! 

"Scott, I don't know!" I yelled and I pushed him away feeling tears swell in my eyes. Perfect. Now I was going to cry. Good job Allison now Scott will never leave.

I felt Scott hug me tightly and I didn't want him to comfort me. I tried to get out but it was no use his arms caged me in. I gave up and let him try and make me feel better.

"It's okay.." he whispered into my hair. 

'Scott... I can't take this anymore. With my mother dying and now the alphas, I just, I-" 

I couldn't put into words what I was feeling and every time I tried I just got more frustrated. I look up to Scott's face. There are those eyes again. I put my hand on his cheek. I needed him. I needed someone to love me. To care about me. Scott was that person.

I pressed my lips hard against his. This wasn't hesitant like the last kiss I wasn't holding back. Scott began to kiss me back and I leaned into him and I feel Scott quiver. We were both broken. We both needed each other.

I smiled into his lips because I actually felt happy being with Scott I couldn't remember what I was thinking about a minute ago. All that mattered was Scott. I ran my hands down his waist pushing him towards to door. He giggled as I pressed him against the door. He probably thought it was cute. I'd show him cute.

I put my hands around his neck making the close harder. I heard his moan as I tugged his lips with  my teeth. That bastard smiled again. I didn't want to be cute. I grabbed his shirt tracing his muscles under it as I pulled it up never breaking the kiss. I traced his lips with my tongue but suddenly Scott stopped me. 

"Allison, stop. You're going to regret this later. I'm so sorry I just- I can't do this to you." 

I took a deep breath. I tried to clear my head. Scott was right. I wanted him badly but I would regret it. Scott knew me too well. I wasn't thinking clearly. Scott stepped around me and I stared at him as he walked towards the window. I wondered if I let him leave when would I see him again..