Vicarious

Done Pretending

I slam the door shut behind me not taking my eyes from Scott. His lifeless body on the floor doesn't have a trace of the boy I fell in love with. I couldn't find his dimples or the spark in his eyes. Everything that made him Scott was gone and all that remained was this cruel empty shell of the person I loved more than anything.

I take two seconds with each step. I should run to him. Every second counts right? But my movements were forced as I desperately hoped none of this was happening. I wanted to avoid the truth of the situation. What would I do without Scott? The thought terrifies me and makes me run the few steps left and kneel in front of him.

"Scott! Oh my god! Scott please open your eyes. Scott." 

I looked for a sign. Anything. Please. I just needed to see a finger twitch and I would be able to breathe again. But nothing... He was as still as...a dead body. I feel the sobs rip their way through my chest as I take Scott's hand in mine. Life seemed to like to torture me. Everything was good for the first time in a long time and now it had ripped away the person who made feel like life wouldn't always be this hard. 

Is this some sort of joke? I held Scott's hands and I cried harder feeling their warmth. I knew that soon that heat would be gone. Cold hands would replace them. They'd have the same scar Scott got playing with Stiles when they were eight... but those hands would never warm mine again. They'd never brush my hair behind my ear again or hold my hand when I needed to borrow some strength. 

I thought about how everyone would react. I don't think I could be the one to tell Stiles but at the same time I owe it to Scott to be the one to tell him. He would be devastated. Scott was his brother. The only one who was there for him after his mother passed. I sobbed even harder. No. This was a sick dream. Scott was too good to die. He only tried to do the best for the ones he loved even if it meant sacrificing himself...Oh no... He didn't... Was this an attempt...

"Please..." I yelled through my crying. "Scott, I love you! Okay? I love you and you can't leave me. I promised you that I would never leave you! You need to promise me Scott! Please?!"

Suddenly his eyes burst open. His eyes were red and blood was smeared all over his face but in that moment it was the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. He gasped for air and I watched as death stepped aside and let life breathe back into Scott. I jumped but recovered quickly and tried to help him prop up against the wall and used my free hand to touch his cheek. 

Seeing Scott alive and well helped me calm down emotionally but I couldn't slow my breathing as I took a closer look at Scott. I hadn't been able to focus enough to notice the rips in his shirt soaked in blood. I could see cuts but I couldn't be sure how deep they had been because they were healing before my eyes. There was one really big one that looked like it would scar even after he finished healing. It had been deep I could tell.

I trace the shape of it with my fingers... this one wasn't from a claw mark, "Oh my god... Scott are you- what the hell were you?" I stuttered. A million questions came to me at once and I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answer to any of them. 

"I'm sorry." He muttered groggily. The tears wouldn't stop coming as I saw how weak his body was. If I wasn't helping him he wouldn't be able to even sit up much less stand up. I was still worried about him. I felt like this was just another cruel trick. Scott would wake up for a few minutes and then he would be ripped away from me again. 

"Allison... I'm so sorry that I am hurting you. I-I need you in my life okay? I don't know what I would do without you. You keep me sane. Well at least somewhat." He laughs softly and the color returns to his cheeks, "I'm so sorry for being a complete asshole and for doing this to you I just- I love you so much Allison." Scott finished looking in my eyes.

I had almost lost him tonight. I was done pretending. Scott was someone I couldn't love without. I knew that now. "Just shut up and kiss me already."

He didn't hesitate in crashing his lips against mine. I didn't hold back this time. Just one minute ago I thought I would never get to experience our lips moving in sync together again. I was afraid of getting my heart broken again but I knew that whatever time I got with Scott would be better and all the years I'd have without. 

He tried to get closer to me but I didn't let him. This moment wasn't about that. It was about us. Plus who would be able to get Scott a new shirt if both of us were covered in blood? Mostly I was afraid to hurt him. He looked so weak. It was taking him longer to heal I could tell.

"It's kind of offending that you are staying that far away from me. It won't hurt me I swear." He said just before kissing me again. After he said that you didn't have to tell me twice. I pushed myself against him holding in a sigh from being in his arms.

I pushed him down so that I was laying on him, "This better?" I grinned.

"Much better." 

We started kissing again, our tongues meeting faster than last time. It felt like neither of us could get enough of the kiss. It felt like we we're kissing for the first time in years. He pulled away from the kiss much to my dismay. I held his bottom lip between my teeth not wanting him to go. I knew that drove him crazy in bed as well so I probably shouldn't be... But that just made it twice as fun.

I climbed off of him when I felt the mood in the air change. "My mom..." Scott whispered as he stood up. 

I remember waiting for Scott in the waiting in the bathroom while he was in the bathroom and seeing the nurse that had kicked Scott out of Melissa's room. I had been able to get information from her just before heading to the bathroom.

"I talked to the nurse," I opened the door for him and took the path to some benches nearby where there weren't any people to notice the bloodstains. "Your mother was in a car accident. They say she saw a figure in the middle of the street so she slammed the brakes. Another car came and hit her side of the car at full speed. She's lucky to be alive. They just started the surgery so it will be a few hours until you can visit her. They wouldn't tell me what condition she is in though. I'm so sorry Scott."

I feel goosebumps on my arm as I remember the first night I got to Beacon Hills. Me and my mother were on our way to the new house but it was late so it was nearly impossible to see more than a few feet in front of the car. The darkness that night scared me and I nearly had a heart attack when we almost hit that random kid in the middle of the street. I was wondered what his story was. What had he been doing in the middle of the main road at midnight while it was raining? It didn't make sense. I had been lucky that there weren't any other cars that night or maybe I wouldn't have ever even met Scott. I still felt bad for not being able to go back and make sure the guy we almost hit was okay.

"Can you do me a favor?" Scott's voice pulls me out of my flashback and I look at him holding in his tears. "The extra shirt in my car. Can you get it for me?"

I nodded, "Of course. I'll be right back."

Just as I was turning away, I felt Scott's fingers around my arm pulling me back in for a quick kiss, "Be careful." 

I tried to give him a smile and nodded, "I will. As long as you do too." I was still worried about what happened to him.

"I promise."

With those words I turn around and let the tears I had been holding back fall. I didn't want to cry in front of Scott not now. He needed me to be strong even more than before. I look for the car in the lot and I feel like screaming when I can't find it. Allison breathe. If you scream Scott will think something is wrong. 

I took a deep breath and realized when I open my eyes that I was just a few steps from the car. I sigh in relief. Hopefully I'd be sighing in relief the whole night.