Be With You | Seokjin

vingt huit : i should

Hyerin's POV

- 3 days later -

I can't possibly overcome it . . . It feels like I'll burst into tears at any moment. And at that time, that felt as if everything would disappear in a moment. But, just one more time. I want to return to that time. Back to the brightest time when we would all had fun and laugh together.

I want ... to return to that time.

It's been a few days now, I still can't stop crying. I can't even focus on my study. I just felt so broken.

I still can't believe that he actually said that to me. My eyes are all swollen and I can't even eat. I'm taking a day off from school.

  "Hyerin ah, aren't you going to come?" Haena asked me as she wore her bag. I shook my head.

  "Don't think a lot, okay?" She spoke calmly and left the room. I'm still laying on the bed in my dorm's room and cried.

I just can't believe all of this. He said he didn't love me. He was just toying with me, I'm just one of his "girls" that he dated.

  "Let's break up."

    "Ya, Choi Hyerin. Enough of this. I'm tired. You think I love you? I was just toying with you since the beginning."

I wonder how could he say those words so easily. I really really miss him now. I just want to see his face but he hasn't been coming to school these days.

I did not dare to call him or text him again. We're not anything anymore. He's not mine . . .

I kept crying louder, letting my tears soaked my pillow. Why am I hurting alone? Just why? Why is it so easy for him to say those sentences?

Was he just toying with me? For real? But why did it feel so real when we were together?

My head is full of thoughts why why why why just why. Why did he have to hurt me this way? I gave up on my dream to stay with him. It's not actually giving up completely though. I will just try again next time.

And I thought I could stay with him here without having to worry about anything. He alone gives me happiness. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. And yet . .

"I wanna be with you though."

He lied.

"It's okay, Hyerin. It's okay, you're okay now. Don't worry, I'm here."

He isn't here.

"Do you wanna feel warmer?"

He just messed with my feelings.

  "I really really really love you, too. And I love being with you."

Liar.

  "Of course, I will always, always and always love you."

It's not true. You don't love me.

Why am I crying over and over again because of him? You're free now, Choi Hyerin but why? Why is your heart aching like it's going to burst out from your body? Why are you still recalling your memories with him?

Because I still love him.

His eyes, nose, lips . . they haunt my memories, I can't forget even if I try. His voice when he sang You're my, when he said he loved me, when he said he wanted to be with me . . .

His gentle touch, his smile, the face he made when he saw me. They all disappeared in a flash, in a blink of an eye.

I stopped thinking and wiped my tears away but they kept flowing endlessly. I sat down on my bed instead and glanced at my surroundings. The tears blocked me from seeing things clearly so I wiped them away again.

I reached out for my phone in my bag and went to photos. Our pictures together, we were so close. We had so much fun. Our videos together, he pulled me closer, he kissed me . . . I played the video.

"Annyeonghaseyo, the prettiest girl in the world Choi Hyerin is talking."
I filmed myself.

"Ya ya, don't get too full of yourself." Jin came and sat down next to me, waving at the phone.

"Oh, Jin-san! Ohayo!" (a/n: it means good morning)

"Oh, ohayo Hyerin hime-sama." (a/n: it means princess hyerin)

"I'm glad to have you here today. I would like to interview you some stuffs relating to your feelings after exam."

"My feelings?" He looked at me eyes-widened then looked back at my phone.

"I'm so happy that I got to spend time with my girlfriend after the exam."

Girlfriend, he said.

"Neh? girlfriend? who's that beautiful and lucky girl?" I acted dumb so he tickled me then pulled me closer and kissed me. The video ended. I didn't think that I cried watching funny video.

Why am I doing stuffs to make myself remember all those times again? Just why? I've become so stupid.

I grabbed my bag and asked for permission from Red Hulk to leave the school. It's killing me inside out. I took a bus to . . . Jin's house.

The moment I arrived, I just stood in front of his house without going inside. I decided to ring the house's bell because I want to see him. For a few minutes, I heard the door locking sound coming from the gate so I hid myself.

Jin came outside wearing his black knee-length pants and a white loose shirt. He became very skinny, his eyes are swollen and his cheeks aren't chubby anymore. His mouth is rough and pale. My heart sank down very quickly at the sight of him.

I finally saw him but why is it hurting me so much?

He looked left and right then went back inside hopelessly. I wonder what happened with him. Is he still sad about his members? Is he still blaming himself again and saying everything is his fault?

I cried silently, cupping my mouth with my hands. It's hard to breath . . . it's so hard, this is killing me. I want to go back to his side and protect him but I'm nothing to him . . .

Choi Hyerin, please wake up.

I called a taxi and went to my home. It was silent as usual, my parents are probably at the hospital again.

Luckily, I brought my keys with me so I entered the house. I tiptoed upstairs to my room. There, an envelope of that freaking medical school is placed on my desk. I sat down and folded it out.

Congratulations, Ms. Choi Hyerin. You've been accepted to Collins Medical School and your semester will be starting next week. We're glad to have an outstanding student like-

I folded them back and rested my forehead on my palms, bitting my bottom lip.

I guess I should go, after all.