Be With You | Seokjin

vingt neuf : never

Jin's POV

I miss her so much.

I'm still laying on my own bed, without actually going outside or do anything in particular. Well, except for last week when someone rang my house's bell but when I went to check, there was no one.

I turned my phone on and saw texts from those guys that I should come and visit Haneul's urn. I almost forgot.

I woke up and took a shower, realizing that it's already 5pm. I wore white shirt and long black pants then went outside the house.

The sky is illuminating my face so hard since I never left the house. I went to the flower shop to buy white lilies.

I bought some and went outside to the bus stop. There, I saw a familiar figure standing at the bus stop too, holding white lilies. I realized it was Hyerin.

Gosh, I really miss her. She's standing there with blank facial expression and she's almost as white as the flowers. They kind of resemble each other, somehow.

Tears welled up in my eyes but I bit my lower lip to prevent that from happening. She was looking left and right then she saw me. We looked at each other for awhile until I stepped closer and greeted her.

"Hi," I said and she was stuttering.

"H-h-hey," As I came closer to her, I noticed her eyebags instantly and she looked thinner, very thin.

"Wassup?" I looked at her then looked at the flowers she was holding.

"I'm g-going to visit Hana eonni's urn since I won't be here anymore." She looked at the flowers. "I will be departing to USA tomorrow." She looked at me and shot me a weak smile.

My heart sank down and lighted up at the same time, I don't know why. I did what I had to, in order to let her achieve her dream now but why . . .

"Oh . . ." is what I could say. Luckily, the bus arrived and we both went inside. The bus was too crowded so we both had to stand very close to each other.

The driver swayed the bus to the other side, causing her to almost tripped but I grabbed her waist. She looked very panicked at first but then sighed in relief.

She turned her face to look at me then her smiled faded. She became serious all of a sudden and I didn't let go of her waist.

I finally could get closer to her. I could finally touch her, I can see her face clearer and that's when I realized I never wanna let her go.

"H-hey, Jin. Why are you crying? Are you okay?" She asked me, lifting her hand up in an attempt to touch my cheek but I released my hand from her waist immediately.

"I-i'm sorry, something got into my eyes." I tried to wipe them away and controlled myself not to show my weakness to her. I don't want her to think that I still love her.

A few minutes later, we arrived the urn. I visited Haneul's and she visited Hana's.

I looked at Haneul's photo and felt a pang of guilt in my heart. She died because of me. I made her like this, I made everyone suffered.

I looked down, leaving the urn then I saw Hyerin leaving as well. Our eyes met and she smiled.

We walked to the bus stop and went inside the bus. This time, there are only two seats left so we kinda have to sit near each other. I don't hate it though.

She sat down next to the car's window and I sat down beside her. She looked outside the car's window and I reached out for my phone to listen to music.

I plugged my earphones in and closed my eyes, listening to Big Bang's If You.
The lyrics are killing me and yet I still want to listen.

She is leaving
And I can't do anything
Love is leaving
Like a fool, I'm blankly standing here

I looked at her as she looked at the outside's scenery.

I'm looking at her, getting farther away
She becomes a small dot and then disappears
Will this go away after time passes?
I remember the old times
I remember you

Yes, Choi Hyerin. I still remember you.

I felt a hand removing the left side of my earphone. I opened my eyes and saw Hyerin looking at me.

"Can I? It's my favorite song." She asked and I nodded.

The song continues.

If you, If you.
If it's not too late
Can't we get back together?

We looked at each other then looked away.

If you, if you.
If you're struggling like I am
Can't we make things a little easier?
I should've treated you better when I had you

I bit my lower lip.

How about you?
Are you really fine?
Guess our break up is setting
I should forget you but it's not easy

She arched her back a little and looked at me again and I resisted the urge of crying.

Fortunately, the bus arrived and we both stood up, leaving. We started walking along the park.

"I'm sorry just now, I can't control myself whenever my favorite song comes out." She made a bitter smile, rubbing the nape of her neck.

"It's fine really." I laughed a little but then my smile eventually faded.

We continued walking along the park without saying anything. I kept strolling and strolling until I realized that I lost sight of her. I turned around and saw her standing there, looking at the ground.

"Hyerin? What's wrong?" I asked, walking closer to her. She averted her eyes to look at me.

"I still can't believe that I'm really leaving." She shot me a weak smile and I looked at her.

"Oh, you scared me for a moment out there." I said and she giggled.

"Say . . ." She said again.

"What is it?"

"Ah, ani. It's nothing." She shook her head, smiling. "Well, I guess it's about time to go back now. Good night, Jin." She looked at her wristwatch.

"Oh, okay." I agreed but she didn't walk. I gave her a question look.

"Y-you don't have anything to say to me?" She asked as if wanting me to tell her not to go. I really don't want her to go . .

"Safe trip." I smiled and she nodded then we both walked away. So, she's really leaving. I should be happy for her and yet my heart is refusing to be happy.

I walked for a few steps then looked back at her as she walked away. Her body was shivering and she lifted her hands to her face.

She's crying . . .

It pained me so much, to the point where I ran up to her and pulled her into a tight hug.

"H-hey, why are you crying?" I caressed her hair and she dug her face to my chest as she hugged me tighter.

"Jin . . . I really miss you." She talked then hiccuped. "Why, why, just why did it have to be this way?" She finally talked again after a few seconds of hiccuping.

I was tearing up but I'm trying not to. "Geez, hyerin. You should be focusing on your departure tomorrow." I said something that I didn't want to say.

She released our hugs and wiped her tears away. "As expected, you didn't tell me not to leave." She smiled and walked away.

You're wrong, Hyerin. I never ever wanna let you go.

I'm looking at her, getting farther away
She becomes a small dot and then disappears
Will this go away after time passes?
I remember the old times
I remember you

I wiped my tears that lingered in my eyes away and went to the flower shop again.