Dreams

Find my own way

I awake suddenly from the nightmare I was having, panting with tears streaming down my face.

It seemed so real.

As my breathing slows down to it's regular pace, I sit up in my bed and have a large gulp of water. I begin to think about the devastating dream which had frightened me so much.

Will I really end up like that?

Will I spend the rest of my life waiting for a time that will never come?

The questions I had trouble me for the rest of the night and for a long time after.

Time goes on and people's lives go around as usual as I spend every day sitting alone at home in my wheelchair.

Every day I feel the sudden urge to forget everything and just leap out of my wheelchair like the accident never happened.

But it did happen.

And before I can do it, I remember the reality. This is my life now.

~~~~~~~~~~

Just on our way over now.

Jack

I smile at the text as I reply.

OK. Are you sure your mum is OK with it? You don't have to if you don't want to.

Lily.

Almost as soon as I hit send, a reply bings through.

We are 100% happy to help our girl any time :)

It's almost like he knew I was going to ask.

I am about to reply when I hear a loud knocking at the door. I wheel over and open it up to reveal a happy looking Jack. I've never seen him look like this before. His brown hair is all ruffled, clearly with no hair gel in, and his deep blue eyes are hidden behind his small circular reading glasses. He is still wearing his uniform, a crumpled white polo shirt, a tie that has been loosened and black trousers. He has clearly just come from school. Jack's maroon blazer shows his school logo, reminding me that when I go back to my own school, he won't be there with me.

"Hey," he says to me casually.

"Hey," I reply. "Nice outfit." I joke pointing at his pointed black leather shoes.

"Oh haha very funny," he has a big grin on his face. "So, are you ready to go?"

He begins to walk inside the house and gets ready to push me outside.

I sigh in response to his question. "Not really, but let's do it anyway." I try to make it sound as positive as I can but it comes out sounding forced and stupid.

Jack chuckles at me as he pushes me outside whilst I pull my hair into a messy bun, attempting to make myself look more presentable.

As we approach the car outside, I check myself in the reflection, but instead of noticing my hair, I notice a small, broken girl who is clearly clinging onto the help of her friend. I haven't looked in the mirror recently so haven't noticed how pale and fragile I look. I know deep down that I don't look this way because of my injury, but because I've given up. I push the thought away quickly and shut my eyes momentarily to regain my focus.

I open my eyes again at the sound of Mrs Peters getting out of the car to help me inside.

Suddenly, I am getting a flashback to the nightmare I had only a few nights ago. The same scenario is happening which leads up to the terror at my dance school. I squeeze my eyes shut again and notice that my breathing is quickening rapidly. I clench my hands into a fist to help control myself but it's no use.

STAND. STAND. STAND. STAND. STAND

I can faintly hear the voices of Jack and his mother but they all jumbled up. The only voices I can hear is the constant chant of my family and friends in the same studio that my dream came alive and the same studio that my dream was shattered.

That is the last thing I remember.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Darling, are you alright?"

I open my eyes to reveal the concerned faces of Jack and Mrs Peters. They are kneeling down in front of me and are patiently waiting for an answer to the question.

I open out my hands and take a deep breath.

"I'm fine." I say this with a smile to try and reassure them, but my voice only comes out as a whisper and sounds weak.

"What happened?" Jack has such a calm face as he says this but I can tell that he is packing inside. I've known Jack for long enough to know that he is staying calm for my benefit. This makes me smile at him.

"This is going to sound stupid," I explain, fiddling with my hands to avoid looking at them, "but about a week ago I had a dream..."

I tell them everything. I tell them about the dream and how I know that I've ruined myself and that I could dance again but I'm too scared to and just basically everything that has been on my mind since I got home.

They don't say anything throughout the whole thing, just looking up at me with their full attention and listening. It feels really good to let it all out.

When I finish, I realise that I must sound like an idiot to them and hold my breath waiting for their response.

"Oh, Lily..." Jack mumbles. They don't say anything after that, they just hug me for a long time. We must look silly to anybody walking by: a dirty teenage girl sat in a wheelchair being hugged by a grown woman and a teenage boy who are sat in front of her in the middle of the pavement. I don't care though.

After a while,I bring myself to get into the car with a smile. Jack hops into the seat next to me with a reassuring grin.

Before I know it, we are on our way...