A Beautiful Mess

Chapter 1

Gina kept screaming. I held her hand, sweat covered her forehead. She squeezed with a might I didn't know she had in her little body. Abby sighed loudly from the end of the bed. We were all exhausted, we had been sitting in this room, in this very position for the last twelve hours just waiting. I knew my exhaustion was nothing compared to hers. She was the one trying to push a baby out of her body. I might not be in love with her, but I respected her more than anything else.

"Okay one more push sweetheart," Abby nodded to Gina, "I can see the head. I just need a big push and then you're all done."

Gina sighed, clearly she didn't want to do it anymore. But this baby was coming one way or another. She sat up, I held our hands up higher. I took in a deep breath and swallowed my fears. My child was here, they would enter this world at any moment. It was only a matter of minutes now. Nine months flew by when you weren't prepared to become a parent.

When she told me she was pregnant it took a good hour for the information to sink in. We were careful, but clearly not careful enough. I remember the room spinning, the fears setting in. I wasn't ready to be a father, hell I hadn't been ready to take on leader of the 100 when we were sent down to earth. Now I was responsible for a little life? One that needed more care down here than on the ark?

But the worst part of it all was that I knew I wasn't in love with her. I knew it the moment I picked her out of the bunch and we slept together. She was just a distraction, something to kill time with. No she wasn't the girl I wanted to spend my life with down here on the ground. But I had to find someone else to numb the pain because the girl I wanted left me at the gates of our camp a few months ago.

Sure she had come back, tattered and bruised, but she wasn't the same girl I knew. So I kept seeing Gina. I let myself believe that we could be happy together. Except I knew we never could be. Because she wasn't the girl who occupied my dreams.

My mom raised me to be a better man. Which meant that I wouldn't leave Gina. I wouldn't let my child grow up with only one parent. I would stand beside her, I would live with her while our baby grew up. We didn't have to be married, we didn't have to like each other. But we had to be parents. I knew how important it was for a child to have two loving parents. I wouldn't bring them into this world if I wasn't prepared to bare that responsibility.

So I sucked it up and tried as hard as I could to get over the girl I really did love. Or at least I told myself I was over her. I knew I would never get over her. Because I would never find someone else who understood my pain. Someone else who was there in the mountain and held my hand while we did what we had to do to save our people. A love like that was deep. A bond like that could never be broken.

Gina held my hand in a death grip, I didn't think she could squeeze any tighter. She was screaming and cursing as she pushed harder than before. Her forehead was strained, her teeth stuck out. My heart was pounding as Abby kept encouraging her. The worst was almost over. Our baby was about to enter this world. The room fell silent for a moment. It was like the world stood still as Abby held her arms out.

When Gina's cries stopped our baby's started.

"It's a boy," Abby laughed as she held him in her arms.

There were tears in her eyes as well as mine. She cut the chord and handed him to me. I smiled as he settled against my chest. He had a head full of hair already, dark as mine and it curled at the edges. I knew now why Gina always complained about heartburn. I smiled as he reached up and grabbed my finger. He cooed as he moved his body around, getting comfortable in this new world. He was so small, so fragile. I was terrified I would break him.

"He's beautiful," I breathed the words, afraid to let them touch him. I didn't want the world to break him, to hurt him the way it had hurt me.

I looked down at Gina when she didn't respond. Her eyes were open, but she wasn't moving. Her chest was still and I knew something was wrong. My heart stopped as Abby realized the same thing I did. She pushed past me, moving fast.