ANA

six

The only one I listen to is Ana

She's so smart and full of advice

I'm starting to get smaller

My health is the only sacrifice

chapter six

I stepped on the scale and took a deep breath. I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, I saw the number on the scale. 105

It was not enough. It was never enough. 

I was still fat and I didn't know what to do. Tears started to fill my eyes and in seconds I started crying. I lay down on my bed and hid my face in the pillow. 

Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat.

You have to eat less.

You look like a whale.

You're so chubby.

Why can't you be skinny like all the other girls?

What's wrong with you, Maya?

My stomached made a noise and I punched it. Once, twice, three times. It growled again. 

I screamed as loud as I could. I was so tired of being fat and I was the responsible one for not getting thinner. Maybe I was still eating too much.

My stomach growled again. I was feeling very hungry and I couldn't think about anything else but food. But I couldn't eat. I couldn't eat because I was still fat.

I grabbed my bottle of water and drank it all, hoping it would make my stomach full.

I stood in front of the mirror, something I hadn't done in a long time. Everything in me was huge. I hated my reflection so I punched the mirror. Millions of broken glass fell to the floor but I didn't bother to clean it up. I walked towards my bedside table, cutting my feet in the way and grabbed my phone. I called the only person who would understand. She answered quickly.

"Ana, I need help."

dedicated to slowly-dyxng because 30 reasons to die was a fantastic book