Don't let the Bed Bugs Bite ~ A Janiel Fanfiction

Chapter Two

A/N: Hey everyone, sorry this took so long, my life has kind of been taken over my music and dancing etc. Hope you really enjoy this chapter! Have a great day/night, until next time, good damn bye!

Ithink it's strange how one day you can go from walking around blindfoldedmumbling the words 'what am I doing?' to staring out at the open space and seeing the world for the first time. I can't exactly say that's me, I've known where I've been headed for a long time whether I would keep up with it or not. I can't help but think though how lately I feel as to say... different. Maybe it's all of these changes that have happened in my life that makes me feel this way. Somehow I believe I am only trying to convince myself that that is the reason. Sure maybe refreshing my email each morning while biting my fingernails puts me on edge because I am so desperate for this part that I might just explode. Yes adopting this new man in my life with his strange obsessions yet odd charms changes my schedule a bit just so I can see him. Of course my mother pestering me about wanting to visit me again yet I keep telling her otherwise has my thoughts riled up. Yet somehow it's none of those points that are making me feel different.

When my mother was actually useful in my life she used to be so wise and so full of helpful life advice such as, 'don't cry over spilt milk.' Lately I've been doing just that, I'm getting flustered over situations that don't matter. My mind is being told it has to take one of the three paths shoved in front of it and if it takes the wrong one I could die... Dramatic I know. I have other days where I'm not a raging pig on a period, that's when I'm completely happy, spending time with Trevor or dancing around my house like a baboon. Anyone would think I'm insane with all of these mood swings hitting me in the face with a baseball bat. It's as if something is missing from my life even though so much has been added in, so many good aspects for that matter. Trevor especially, it was almost 3 weeks ago when I met him, no matter how many times we make out on his sofa we are still not labelled as 'dating.' See here's the thing with our relationship, we act like a couple in his own home but as soon as we reach the open he's treating me like some mate who watched the footy with him. In all honesty I haven't really questioned him about his sexuality; I never felt it was my place to. Maybe he is a closeted gay and I'm just on the sidelines? This is a terrible thing to say but I would be okay if he ever got a beard, not a facial one more the point of a cover-up. Is that okay? Why am I okay with being used? He has this charm I just can't shake off, this way about him that's just so intriguing. I feel good about myself when I'm around him, but that's it, good. I wish I could say I feel great but then I'd be lying to myself. Maybe it's because we aren't in an official relationship. Being around him is like drinking a lemon soda, the first mouthful is a sweet bubbling excitement but then after a minute there is a sour, bitter aftertaste that makes me feel guilty for drinking that much sugar. There's nothing worse than the feeling of guilt eating away at your insides.

Just as I'm letting the guilt slowly devour me whole I hold onto what last little hope I have left with actually having a successful future. Reaching to my bedside table I grab my laptop and place it on my bed as I lay on my stomach. This became a part of my morning routine because as much as it's pathetic it oddly makes me determined to actually get something done for the day. The further time pushes away with no email the more I can let go and move on with my life...

HOLY SMOKED BALONNE AND HAM! This cannot be happening! What is life? Here I was ready to drift off into the unforgiveable void that would be a sorrow to my life, that's all changed. I have to thank my Mr Email for providing me with one positive inbox notice and attachments that might just turn my life around. Punching the air while flailing my body around doesn't seem to cool off the abundance of excitement more the fact it enhances it. I've actually got the part, holy sweet mother of earth this cannot be happening! I've needed this feeling to reappear in my system for a long time because really I never wanted to admit I was unhappy. Moments have sprung in my life that made me feel happy at the time but not for long periods.