False Starts

Chapter 14

TRUE to his word, Michael had texted Abbie’s hotel information to Ryan. He wasn’t sure what to do with it, so he just stared at it as he sat in the cab while he waited for all of his friends to get in.

“Everyone in?” the cabbie asked. “Straight home, then, or shall I drop you lot off someplace else?”

For some reason, everyone looked at Ryan, and he realised they were all expecting him to say something. “Uh,” he said, stupidly, still staring at the address on his phone.

      “Hey, Reezy, are y’all going somewhere else?” Cullen asked. “Because I have to get back. You could just drop me off at the village and then go where you need to go.”

Ryan looked at him, then turned to the cab driver. “Take everyone where they want to go,” he said, “but drop me off here, please.” He showed Michael’s text to the driver, who nodded and put the car in gear.

The cab let him off right at the front entrance of the hotel. “Good luck, man,” Cullen said as Ryan stepped out of the vehicle. There was a second when Ryan wondered why Cullen was wishing him luck, but then he brushed it off and just knocked fists with his friend and said thanks.

He went straight inside, bypassed the front desk and got into an elevator. When he reached Abbie’s room, he knocked on the door. Abbie answered it quickly.

“Ryan?” she said, obviously shocked at finding him there. “It’s 2am.”

      “Hey, Spazzee,” he drawled, leaning against the door frame. “It’s my birthday.” He tried to smile but the look on her face made him think that she was not happy to see him.

      “I know,” Abbie said shortly.

      “Can I please come in?”

      With a grudging sigh, she stepped back and allowed Ryan to enter. Closing the door, Abbie leaned back against it and asked, “Ryan, what are you doing here?”

      “It’s my birthday.” 

      “You said that already.”

      “I’ve never had a birthday without you.”

      Abbie shrugged. “There’s a first time for everything.” 

      There was a tone in her voice that hinted at her disappointment over not being invited to go out with them. Ryan knew her well enough to hear the slight inflection and he winced as badly as if she had actually said something about it. He tried to rub the drunk out of his eyes and focus on what his reason was for being there. “I’m sorry, Abs,” he began. “I should have called you. You should have been with us. With me.”

      Again, Abbie shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”

      He turned to look properly at her. She was wearing boy shorts and a camisole top, her long dark hair cascading down her back in waves. She didn’t look like she just woke up, but her eyes were red and Ryan guessed she’d been crying. A shot of pain went through him when he thought that he may have caused it. 

      “No, Abs, I…” Ryan pulled a hand down his face. “I wanted you there, I did.”

      “Yeah, I could tell you really wanted me there,” Abbie said with biting sarcasm, but she checked her words as she pushed off the door and walked past Ryan, heading towards the bed. 

      He caught her by the arm as she went by. “You don’t understand –“

      “No, I don’t, Ryan, because you won’t explain it to me.” Her voice shook and she didn’t want to look at him for fear of bursting into tears if she did. 

      He brought her around and sat her on a desk placed against the wall so she could face him. She waited, but all he did was step back and turn away. When he faced her again, he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. 

      With a sigh, Abbie rubbed her temples with two fingers. She was trying very hard not to be sarcastic and mean right now. “Jeezus, Reezy, say something or get out!” she groaned.

      Putting his hands behind his head, Ryan squeezed his elbows together, because he felt like his head was cracking right down the middle from trying to find the right words. “I wanted you to be with me,” he finally said, hesitantly, trying to get the words out. “I just didn’t know if I could… stand you being… there.”

      A horrible feeling bloomed at the pit of Ryan’s stomach when he saw the look on Abbie’s face. “I don’t mean – oh, God, no Abbie, I didn’t mean it like that!” He rushed towards her and grabbed both her hands, desperate to make her understand. “I didn’t know if I could stand you being there and not being...” He trailed off pathetically.

      “I still don’t understand, Ry,” she intoned, patiently. “It’s not even about your birthday, it’s… this. You say you miss me, but when I’m here you push me away. You keep telling me you don’t understand why this is happening, when I can tell that you do, but for some reason, you don’t seem to want to admit it.”

      Ryan didn’t know what to say after that. Abbie seemed to have figured it out, but why couldn’t he? And why wouldn’t she just tell him? 

      “I’m sorry, Abs,” he stuttered. He took her face in both of his hands, his fingers meeting at her nape. “I should know what this is, but I don’t, I just don’t understand. All I know is I want to be with you all the time and when I’m not, it just… it hurts right here.” Ryan placed his hand on his chest, over his heart.

      “Oh, Ryan,” Abbie said, quietly. She lifted a hand to his cheek. “You really don’t know what this is?”

      Ryan shook his head, looking into her hazel eyes, eyes that told him that she understood whatever it was much better than he did. And he realised that he was tired of trying to. “Tell me, Abs,” he pleaded, touching his lips to the top of her head.

      This time it was Abbie who kissed him first, tenderly placing her lips against his, one hand on his shoulder. The other, she placed on his chest, feeling his heartbeat right under her fingertips. Ryan’s right hand moved across Abbie’s waist, to the small of her back as she stood up and moved her body closer to his.

      Ryan wanted to stop and ask her if she was sure, but the way she was pressing against him told him she was. Her hand slipped down his chest to the waistband of his jeans, her fingertips skimming the bare skin between it and the hem of his shirt, leaving it tingling before she moved on to his belt buckle. His hands slid up her back, under her top, fingers splayed as to touch as much of her skin as he could. Slowly, they began to undress each other while trying to touch as much of each other as possible. Soon, their clothes lay discarded on the floor.

      Without breaking the kiss, Ryan picked Abbie up and carried her to the bed, laying her down gently. He began kissing down her body, his lips blazing a trail of fire on her skin. Her fingers tangled themselves in his hair as he found places to touch and taste that neither of them ever thought he would be looking for.

      They were completely in sync, their rhythms matching, every part of their body fitting together impossibly yet more completely than they could have imagined. 

      A moan escaped from between her lips as he moved on top of her. A name. His name.

      “Ryan…”

      It was all either of them needed for release, only to have it build up again and again. Over and over they touched, tasted and felt each other, each time more amazing than the last.

      Finally, they lay together, spent, Abbie’s head resting on Ryan’s chest. She could feel the rise and fall of it as he breathed, and fell asleep to the beat of his heart. Only when she was finally asleep did Ryan slip into slumber, safe in the knowledge that Abbie was with him. For the first time in a long while, his sleep was dreamless, restful. For the first time out of the water, Ryan was centred. He could only hope that in the morning, everything would be the same.

      But things hardly ever are in the harsh light of day.